The ManicaPost
DEAR DEIDRE: AN older guy is paying my wife to have sex with him. We are both 39. She’s seen seven different men over the past five years.
She says she has a weakness for being sweet-talked by men.
She works on a cruise ship so is away a lot.
These men are usually wealthy so take her to smart restaurants and hotels and buy her nice presents.
This latest guy has sold a business so is loaded and pays her for sex.
He is lonely and wants her company, too. She says she almost left me to move in with him but realised that it was all about sex for her and she loves me. She’s tried ending the relationship but he won’t take no for an answer.
I love her and I want us to work.
DEIDRE SAYS: If she firmly says no, this guy will realise she means no.
But you need to look at why you’ve been putting up with this. Did her playing away take the pressure off you — sexually or financially?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend gave me a black eye when we were arguing the other day. He often hits me when he gets really angry.
I am 27 and he is 29. We’ve been together for three years.
We have a good relationship most of the time but we’ve had a few problems recently. They are not major but he has started hitting me when he gets angry.
It happens more and more nowadays. It makes me feel like rubbish when he does this. I have thought of leaving him but I love him so much.
DEIDRE SAYS: There is never any excuse for violence. Get away. This man won’t have a character transformation and you can’t change him.
He may well cause you a life-changing injury. Living in fear is dragging you down.
DEAR DEIDRE: I’ve never told any girl I love them. I’m not sure I know how, to be honest.
I’m a guy of 25, in a relationship with a fantastic girl. She’s 24. It’s going great and we’re having a whale of a time — but I’m not used to having a healthy, functioning relationship.
I am almost 100 percent sure I am in love with her. I don’t have any problems in the relationship. The only hurdle is telling her I love her.
My girlfriend says it all the time and I am embarrassed that I never say it back.
I have never done it before and I’m not sure about the right way to do it.
My parents split up when I was young and hate each other. I live with my mum, who never found anyone else, so I’ve never been with adults in a good relationship
DEIDRE SAYS: You have put your finger on where the problem stems from but telling her needn’t be a nerve-racking experience.
Be direct and honest, trust your feelings, and pick an appropriate place to tell her. If she feels the same way, you don’t need an elaborate plan and you won’t need to find the “perfect” moment.
DEAR DEIDRE: WHAT should I do? I want to ask out a girl at work for a date but I’m too shy unless I have a drink. Then I get overconfident and make a fool of myself.
It is almost five years since I dated anyone. I am nearly 25 and this girl is 24.
I’ll get chatting to her at work and afterwards think to myself I should have gone for it and asked her out.
But I get all shy if I start to think about approaching a girl — and that’s when I end up having one too many drinks.
I am getting really desperate.
What can I do to turn my situation around?
DEIDRE SAYS: When you feel desperate, it colours how you behave.
See her as someone to get to know better as a friend, at least for now.
That should free you to chat more naturally and easily. And maybe make the first date at the cinema, instead of drinking. — www.thesun.co.uk
