The ManicaPost
Dear Tete Joyie
I have had a crush on my boss for four years.
I fantasise about him, I dream about him at night and I have a difficult time concentrating when he is trying to explain something to me.
I feel this might eventually have an effect on my job performance and how I relate with my husband (if it hasn’t already).
Is it normal to have crushes last this long?
What do you think it will take for me to get over it?
Tete Joyie says
Many people develop crushes on someone, and live out this infatuation in their fantasies.
Most of the time these are harmless, but when the focus is someone you see all the time, and that person is unavailable to you—in your case, both because you are married and he probably is, too — then it can be problematic, both at work and home.
While it is impossible to stop certain thoughts from cropping up in your brain, it is not impossible to push them out.
If you allow yourself to dwell on the fantasies that you have about your boss, you might never put an end to this crush, and it will damage your relationship with your husband, if not also put your job in jeopardy.
However, if you push such thoughts aside as soon as they arise, eventually the power this crush has on you will weaken and disappear.
One tip I can offer is to ‘develop’ a crush on someone else — someone who is definitely unavailable to you, like a movie or TV star.
If you switch the lead in your fantasies to this other person whenever you begin to have romantic thoughts about your boss, that might weaken this crush.
And if you really can’t put an end to this crush and it is affecting your marriage, then it’s time to start looking a new job.
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I’m worried l will never have a girlfriend
Tete Joyie — I am a 16-year-old boy who has never had a girlfriend.
I feel so alone.
I once kissed a girl on the lips, but the next day she told me that she already had a boyfriend.
My friends all have girlfriends, and tell me how great it is.
I am shy, but l know that if I had a girlfriend, I would be so in love with her.
My best friend says that l should just wait until I am done with school, but I am worried that l will never have a real relationship. Please give me some advice.
Tete Joyie says:
While I can’t say that it is always easy to be patient, because I am a very impatient person myself, in some instances that is all you can do. Some things are under your control.
Make sure that you socialise with other learners because the more people you know, the better the odds are either that one of them will be right for you, or that someone will know somebody who is.
Make sure you join clubs at school and go out of you way to talk to people, especially those of the opposite sex.
If you get used to talking to girls just as friends, you will find yourself less shy when it comes to talking to a girl who might become your girlfriend.
As long as you are active, both in doing your schoolwork and in socialising, you will have an easier time being patient.
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My best friend’s man turns me on
Dear Tete Joyie
There is this guy I really like and he likes me, but he has a girlfriend who happens to also be my best friend.
We really like each other and want to be with each other.
We have kissed and gone all the way, but we don’t want to upset my best friend and I don’t want to, but we really do want to be together.
How do we tell her and what are we going to do?
Tete Joyie says
What sort of boyfriend is he to your best friend if he cheats on her with you?
You both need to make a choice; either you become a couple and deal with all the trouble that will come your way, or stop seeing each other all together.
If you do go out with him will you be able to trust him?
After all, he cheated on his present girlfriend.
It is possible that you are the perfect couple and could make it work, but if you decide not to, then you need to stay away from him in the future.
Make sure you are not alone with him and hope that his girlfriend never finds out what happened. Good luck with your tough choice.
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◆ If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
