The ManicaPost
DEAR DEIDRE: THE memory of seeing my sister and husband half naked in the garden still torments me every day.
I only looked out of the window by chance, otherwise I would never have known.
We have been married for 11 years. My husband is 37 and works long hours, sometimes night shifts.
My sister is 38, two years older than me.
She has been my confidante ever since our mum died very suddenly — and I can’t believe she could do such a thing.
This all happened after a family party at our house.
My sister arrived late and drunk after going to a work do. My husband was not in work the next day, so he really went for it that night.
He could hardly stand by 11pm and I told him to go to bed.
I assumed that’s what he’d done. But when I was clearing up after the others had left, I looked out of the kitchen window and saw my sister pleasuring him.
She had her skirt up round her waist so it was pretty obvious what had gone on before. I shouted at them both to go to bed — I was too shocked to know what else to say or do.
My husband says he cannot understand how he could have done this to me.
He begs me to stay with him and says he loves me and our eight-year-old son. He constantly tells me how sorry he is.
I can’t even look at my sister. I hate her for it.
How could she behave like this with my husband when she has one of her own at home? He wasn’t there that night because he didn’t want to come alone while she was at the work do.
My husband blames the drink but I think that is the easy way out.
For all I know, he has fancied my sister all these years and the alcohol just made it easier for him. It doesn’t mean he is innocent.
Every time I see him help himself to a drink, I start wondering what he might do if he has another one and gets a bit tipsy.
I don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Giving up on your marriage and family life because of one drunken incident would be sad.
But tell your husband he has to work at restoring your trust, and not just saying sorry.
Explain how anxious you feel when you see him have a drink.
If he doesn’t know what he is doing after a drink or two, he needs to cut down seriously.
Talk to your sister about this as it is a shame to let a rift open up.
If she apologises convincingly, you may be able to put that image out of your mind eventually.
DEAR DEIDRE: THE guy my daughter is seeing lets her down again and again.
We’ve told her we can’t see her if she stays with this awful man.
She is 28 and has been with him for three years. He’s her first proper boyfriend but doesn’t keep his promises.
He stays in her flat then goes away for weeks on end. He says he is too tired for sex. This is absurd at 33.
She’s now learned he’s had a girlfriend in London for the past four years.
She only found out from his laptop after guessing his password. She felt sick at what she saw.
They finished for a while but now she’s back with him. We have said we can’t have anything more to do with her so long as she is with him.
DEIDRE SAYS: Turning your back on your daughter could lead her to do something desperate.
If she is besotted with a two-timing, unloving boyfriend who will inevitably let her down, she needs your love and support all the more.
Say you are worried for her. Reassure her you will always be there if she needs a shoulder to cry on. Let her see what loving support is.
Hopefully she will find someone kinder next time.
