The ManicaPost
Marriage Dr
IF he is not sleeping in your bed, then he is sleeping in hers! Yes, that is the issue this week. So many women write to me with the same issue. Their men have kids with her and with another woman.
And they both love the man. Some write asking if they should walk away or if they should abort the baby or if they should stay and fight, or if he will leave the other woman.
No-one ladies can answer that question, but you and the man in question. Personally, I will walk away from a man who has kids from two different women at the same time. That to me is a clear sign that he is not committed and is not faithful. And even if the guy was trapped by one of the women, the same remains that he is not committed to either one if he was sleeping with both.
Now people change and mature. For the sake of being partial, here are a few questions you should ask yourselves as ladies sharing one baby daddy with neither of you having a ring on your finger…
Whose bed is he sleeping in each night?
I did not ask which house is he living in, I ask which bed is he sleeping in? This is because I know men who are living with a woman or a wife, and yet they give their conjugal rights to another woman.
Yes, it is possible for a man to live with a woman he no longer loves, while sleeping with another woman that he really cares for. Men can stay with a woman for many reasons…..security, the kids, comfort, relatives, money, age etc. If the woman he is with makes his home life liveable he will stay until the other woman can give him just as much comfort or satisfaction.
However, there are men who have been known to walk away from everything including money and kids for love. So again I ask, is he sleeping more with you or more with her? And just because he says they are not sleeping together does not mean he is telling the truth. After all, how did she get pregnant with his child?
Whose picture is on his WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter pages?
Yup, you can always tell who is important or what is important in a man’s life by what he puts or doesn’t put on his status. Which woman is on his status picture, or which baby/child does he put photos of on his phone? It is on that side that his mind is my dear.
Who is he seen with more in public?
Which of you women does he spend more time with in public? Trust me, a man will want his friends and family to know who the love of his life is. He may talk about both women, but he will show off one more than the other. So if your guy wants to keep you in private all the time, there is a problem.
Who has he introduced to his family and what did he introduce you as?
Guys will say it as it is, no need to make things more than they are. So when you are in front of his family or friends, what does he introduce you as……the mother of his child, his girlfriend, his wife, his friend or by your first name? Whatever he introduces you as is what you represent in his life believe me. He might make lots of excuses for why he introduced you as he did, do not be fooled. If a guy loves a girl, he makes it known.
Does he have excuses for why he has not left the other one yet?
If a man wants to leave, he will leave. So what is your man’s excuse for staying with the other woman? Have you ever thought that he might be saying the same thing to her about you. Both of you might be thinking that he is going to leave the other woman – sad.
My advice to you or both of you is this….it is obvious that the man does not feel the same way for either of you as you feel for him. So even if he leaves the other woman for you, what makes you think that after a few years he won’t leave you for another woman? If you are willing to stay and share your man; can he look after you and your kids the same way he looks after the other woman and her kids?
If you are the second woman, why are you breaking up the other woman’s relationships? If you are the first woman and the other just came in, remember your were the first, so you have the upper hand currently, so you can still win your man back if you feel it is worth it. But when all is said and done, please make a wise decision knowing you will have to deal with the consequences thereafter good and bad. And if you are staying in the relationship because of the kid, ask yourself if the kid will be happier where they have to share their father with another family, or can you provide the child with what they need on your own?
Just some things to think about if you are in a situation where you find that your man has another woman and he wants you both, but you are not sure. Well, that is it from me folks this week, until next week, God bless.
The Marriage Doctor can be messaged / WhatsApped on 0733 285 730.
