The ManicaPost
DEAR DEIDRE: I’m a supervisor in an IT company and I’ve been with my husband for 15 years.
I’m 37 and we have three children. My husband is 41 and runs his own business from home so he does all the school runs and keeps everything running smoothly.
Ours is a young company and I interviewed and took on a guy of 25 a year ago. He’s super-cute and knows it.
Our team works hard but we play hard too and, six months ago, I had too much to drink when we were away on a training course.
I called by this guy’s room when we all left the bar at the end of the evening to collect a report I needed next day. He kissed me and I responded and we had sex.
He became obsessed with me then and I enjoyed the flirty texts and the kissing in the photocopy room. I started going back to his place some evenings after work and I’d tell my husband I was working late.
One night my lover’s flatmate came back early from a night out and we were on our second bottle of wine when his mate suggested a threesome. I didn’t refuse.
I felt so guilty when I got home but only until it happened again.
Now I’ve done something really stupid. We got back late from a conference and I’d told my husband I’d be away a night longer than I was. I went to my lover’s house and his housemate had two other friends round.
I got drunk and had sex with my lover, his housemate and one of the mates. It felt wild at the time but I get the feeling now my lover is just using me, otherwise why let the other guys have sex with me, too?
I feel so depressed. I don’t know whether to tell my husband.
I’m so ashamed.
DEIDRE SAYS: I think you should definitely take this as a wake-up call to make major changes.
Telling your husband could shock him to the core and might end your marriage. That could be grim for your three children.
DEAR DEIDRE: My partner has invited his 10-year-old son to move in with us without asking me.
He and I are both divorced. We started dating and I finally gave up my job and moved in with him, far from my family and friends. We’ve been together for three years now.
His son has been living with his ex-wife. I like him but he normally only stays in the holidays. Now I find out his mum has problems so he’s coming to live with us.
My daughters are grown up and I don’t want to go through looking after a child again. I’m 48 and my partner is 45. Am I being selfish?
DEIDRE SAYS: I can understand why you’re fed up. Taking on a child of 10 is a big ask and your partner should have involved you in the decision. I guess he was scared you’d say no.
Tell him he has handled this terribly, but then see if you can find it in your heart to provide a loving home to this little boy who seems to have been through a lot in his young life.
Spell it out to your partner that he has to pull his weight and not assume you are going to carry the load.
DEAR DEIDRE: I am fed up. My mum gets my sister to spy on my social media and asks me for money every time she discovers I’ve gone out.
I’m a 22-year-old guy studying for a master’s degree. I’ve had a job to support myself all through university but my mum is always on my case.
Whenever I’ve been out, she texts me, accusing me of making light of her having cancer. She comes up with all sorts of reasons why I should hand my money over to her — large sums sometimes — but I often find out later she’s lying to me about things like unpaid bills.
When I used to live at home, she’d often kick me out of the house if I came back late and I’d have to book a hotel room for the night if my friends weren’t available.
I’ve had enough. I love my mum but I haven’t texted her now for almost a month.
DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound as though your mum is leaking her stress about being ill all over you but maybe you’ve been trying to shut your mind to your mum’s suffering.
Please get back in touch with your mum and tell her you love her but be firm that you can’t carry on bailing her out and she must stop spying on you.
DEAR DEIDRE: Stealing jewellery from my family, giving him money? I was so in love with my ex, he could manipulate me into almost anything.
He is 33 and I’m 29. We met online. He promised to marry me but said people would hurt him if he didn’t pay back money he owed.
He was so convincing, I gradually handed over my savings, plus some money my granny left me. When I ran out of cash, I stole some of my mother’s jewellery. One day he texted saying it was over. My family found out about me stealing and hate me now.
Friends warned this guy was scamming me but I didn’t listen. Now I have nothing left and I feel so ashamed.
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t add to the pain of your broken heart by heaping feelings of shame on to yourself too. — Online.
