The ManicaPost
THE task of placing one friend above another isn’t always easy, and the concept of bringing family and future family into the mix doesn’t make it any easier.
Then add the fact that you’ve probably been a bridesmaid or maid of honour in one of your best friends’ or sisters’ weddings before, and the whole thing is so confusing, you have no idea where to begin.
So, is there some kind of etiquette or formula that comes with choosing a maid or matron of honour? The short answer is no, not exactly, but follow these guidelines to help you land on your leading lady.
Don’t use an algebraic equation to help choose your maid of honour
If you were in her wedding but not a maid of honour, but you’re closer to her now than you were when she got married, then that’s worth more than your other friend who—whoa, pump the breaks. The attendants who stand up with you shouldn’t be the solution to a math problem or people you feel indebted to for having you in their wedding party.
They should simply be the individuals you couldn’t imagine getting married without—the people you feel closest to, most supported by and whose absence would make you sad. They should be best friends, family or some combination of both (a friend that feels like a sibling, or sibling who feels like a best friend). If someone you’re considering doesn’t fit that bill, they probably shouldn’t be your maid of honour.
Family is your trump card
Not to be a broken record, but the point to get across here is to choose the person you feel most connected to whether they’re friends or family. T
here’s no rule written saying you need to choose a sister over a friend, although choosing family over friends often provides an unwritten pass to neutralize drama between friends who think they should be the maid of honour. Friends often think they can’t trump the family card, so even if they have expectations of being the maid of honour, there’s no way they’ll be mad at you for choosing a sibling.
You can have more than one maid of honour
If you can’t decide between two or three different friends or family members, why not choose them all? Your maids of honour can share bridesmaid duties and split maid of honour responsibilities — or you can even delegate which tasks you’d like them to handle. They can co-host the bachelorette or both take on a different shower—the options are endless.
You can have no maid of honour
Although this probably isn’t the answer you’re looking for if you’re reading this, remember, if you don’t feel there’s one person who stands out amid your incredible circle of friends/siblings/cousins, and the pressure to choose someone from the pack feels too overwhelming and forced, don’t worry about sticking to this tradition (there’s no rule that says you need a maid of honour). You’re welcome to have 2 or 6 or 12 amazing attendants who pitch in and support you equally.
Your maid of honour can be a man
Bridesmaids don’t have to be “maids,” and you can choose groomsmen who aren’t men. Ever heard of a “bridesman” or a “man of honour”? Your brother can be your “man of honour,” and so can your cousin or best guy friend.
Gender rules are officially out the door, so don’t sweat this decision if it’s the right one for you. There are plenty of cool clothing options for including members of any sex in the wedding party, from coordinating ties and bow ties to custom suits and dresses.
Bottom line: Your wedding party members and honour attendants should be the people you feel most connected to.
Don’t let the politics of other people’s wedding party choices get in the way. Even if you were a maid of honour for your friend’s wedding, it’s completely fine to choose someone else as your maid of honour.
You get to decide who should stand up with you — https://www.theknot.com.
