The ManicaPost
THAT is the question I am asking everyone who is in a relationship this week. You may then ask me – “what is the difference between lust and love?” You may ask even further –“can a couple not have both in their relationship?” I am glad you asked because I will attempt to answer both questions today.
What many people do not realise is that sexual attraction (lust) most often erases common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Sexual attraction most commonly found under the banner of lust is an altered state of consciousness. It is much like a brain on drugs.
Research shows that the same feeling an addict gets when they get their fix of let us say cocaine, is the same feeling a person gets when they are experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.
Love on the other hand is based on reality of the person themselves and not solely on the persons physical properties. Now lust can lead to love of cause. In fact, being in love never excludes lust, but for a relationship to last, one must have love as the majority and lust as the minority.
So let me see if I can give you clear comparisons between the two to help you decide whether your relationships is on healthy stable ground, or if it is heading for a breakdown.
Definition of love
Love is an intense feeling of deep affection for your partner. Lust is an intense desire or craving for physical gratification often interpreted as sexual desire.
Symptoms of love
A person in love is mostly faithful, loyal, confident, willing to make sacrifices for the other. Both partners will be willing to work on settling their differences. Is able to compromise so that both win, or at least the other persons opinion is heard.
They are committed to each other. You want to spend quality time together other than sex. You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing. You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy. He or she motivates you to be a better person. You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
Their intentions for each other are genuine, and they think about the other partner’s feelings before acting. People in love have a deep affection for each other. They are contentment and confident. Partners communicate and negotiate appropriate expectations. There is a lot of selflessness and polite assertiveness. It feels like they are loving their best friend.
After a while in love
People in love, feel secure with each other, they have a peace about their relationship. Their partnership is solid which can provide the ideal atmosphere to raise confident, secure children.
Symptoms of lust
A lustful is filled with desire for the other person. They are passionate about them in an unhealthy way. They have a feeling of intense emotions towards their partner. You are totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
You are interested in having sex, but not in having conversations. You would rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings. You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or having breakfast the next morning. You are lovers, but not friends.
They enjoy each other when the chance to have physical engagement is there, but if they are unable to express themselves sexually their togetherness is short-lived. The relationship thrives only when there is mutual pleasurability. It feels like they are in love with a fantasy. The relationship is passionate, joyous, filled with strong desire for each other, unsatisfied physical needs sometimes turn violent.
After a while in lust
In the end, one of the partners fails to live up to the physical expectations of the other, and therefore the unsatisfied lust results in sexual frustration, increased religiosity and superstition and emotional rigidity. Lust satisfied in a mutually beneficial way results in pleasure, creativity, passion, and zest for life.
Now I did say that lust can lead to love in time. Often the first stage of lust can lead to lasting friendships, romantic or otherwise. Just like too much love can lead to co-dependency instead of interdependency.
Well that is it from me this week folks, until next week, God Bless!
The Marriage Doctor can be messaged / WhatsApped on 0733 285 730.
