The ManicaPost
Dear Auntie Joyie:
I am having an affair with my wife’s best friend.
The love is amazing and I know she is the one I should really be with.
I have been seeing her for a year now and the magic grows stronger each day.
I am 34 and she is 32, the same age as my wife.
Things began to get tricky at home when my wife’s brother died in a traffic accident.
His wife had left him ages ago, so there was noone else there for his girls.
They are nine and 11 and we took them in, although we have two little girls of our own. It is a squeeze and money is tight.
My wife is so careless with money and can’t stick to a budget so that doesn’t help.
She doesn’t do housework and doesn’t like intimacy.
Perhaps you can see why I am playing away.
Auntie Joyie says:
I understand the temptation, but your wife has had more than her fair share of stress.
Perhaps she needs more help to keep track of the money and take care for the girls.
If she worries that she is not coping well, then it is no wonder she is not keen on sex.
Step back from your affair, at least for now.
Have a talk with your wife and say things must get better.
Listen to her, and don’t blame her.
Also think of the girls, your daughters will be affected too.
If there is no stable home for your nieces they could go into the care of other relatives.
Give your wife one chance, then at least you will know that you gave it your best.
********************
Hubby is a serial cheat
Dear Auntie Joyie:
Three times over our nine-year marriage, I have caught my husband cheating.
I know most men cheat but now l’m starting to think that maybe l am the problem.
He has promised never to do it again and each time I believed him.
Last time his mother died and he was distraught, so I took him back again and he swore he would be faithful to me forever for his mother’s sake, and in her memory.
I really believed him and based on a whole new start I allowed myself to get pregnant.
My parents who are very close to me said it wouldn’t work and he wouldn’t change, but I wanted to give it a chance.
Two weeks ago, I found out that he has been sleeping with one of his old friends’ wife.
I have confronted him and he says it just happened and that he finds her sexy, but only while I am pregnant and then he will want to be with me again.
My baby is due early August.
What do I do? I really don’t think I love him anymore or want to go on with this – but will it be fair on the baby?
Auntie Joyie says:
Oh you dear girl, I am so sorry.
This is one of the saddest stories ever.
This man is clearly a serial adulterer and also a liar.
The very fact that he said that to you – blaming your pregnancy on the fact that he has lied and been unfaithful, yet again tells me that he is just no good.
I could tell you to talk to him and give him time, but I don’t think that will work.
Maybe in the future he will see the error of his ways – but for the moment you must put yourself first, and try to get some support from hopefully your parents initially, and in my view try to find yourself a place near them in which to bring this baby up to be loved and supported.
Sometimes it is so hard to face the future, but I can promise you it won’t be that bad. Love dies under intense pressure and I believe you have had that.
Speak to him and tell him that enough is enough.
If he wants you and his child, then he can come and see you, but only when he proves himself will he be able to have you both back permanently.
Daughter grew up too fast
Dear Auntie Joyie:
My daughter is going to Canada in June and she will be staying there for nearly two years.
I am heartbroken.
I am 48 and she is 25.
She is my only child, my pride and joy.
I love my husband dearly, but my daughter is the one who brings joy to my life.
She works for a global company and requested for a transfer, but I secretly hoped it wouldn’t come off.
Her boyfriend is going too.
I am so worried they will stay for good.
She won’t talk to me about her plans because I keep getting upset.
She says she can’t bear to see me in tears.
I have explained to her that I will support her as much as I can, but can’t help how I feel.
It is hard to let go of our children, but it is great that she has such an exciting opportunity.
She must be so thrilled.
Auntie Joyie says:
Put on an act and you might just get into a more positive frame of mind.
Set up a way you can communicate with her and think about going to visit her there.
Meanwhile, invest more in your own interests.
If you try to live through her you will just be a burden one day.
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