The ManicaPost
Tatenda Makombe
OWING to economic hardships, parents are busy running around trying to make ends meet and in the process they are neglecting their own children. Parents are concentrating more on putting food on the table and are more committed to their work than being involved in the raising of their children, leaving their parenting roles to maids, grandparents and the television.
It is sad that even in the evenings when parents are supposed to spend time with their children, parents are busy catching up with what is happening in the business world in the newspaper or watching television.
Others carry office work home. On weekends they prefer spending time with their friends or bosses, increasing their business network, neglecting their children.
According to a research done by Child Welfare Information Gateway (CWIG), over two-thirds of parents struggle to switch off from the “work mode”.
It’s a silent problem. While newspapers and TV news and shows regularly highlight stories of child physical and sexual abuse, the companion problem, child neglect, hardly gets a mention. Neglect is passive and characterised by depression and resignation.
“My parents never looked out for us children. We were expected to stay out of the house and out of their sight when they were home. They said we were irritating them. The older guys in the neighbourhood thought it was funny to get the younger kids stoned. We thought being included by the big guys was cool”, said a man from Dangamvura who was neglected by his parents while growing up. He is now 30 years old and is trying to get his life together.
This man’s case confirms the fact that the effects of childhood neglect can be devastating and long term. Neglected kids have poor social skills and may fall into substance abuse. Lacking true friendships, they settle for beer drinking or drugging buddies. Even more often, they develop serious psychological problems including depression, post traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety, and personality disorders.
I took the liberty of asking a number of teachers, since it’s the teachers who first notice neglected kids. This is what they had to say about children who are neglected by their parents.
“They come to school dirty, tired, hungry, and inappropriately clothed. They sometimes become a regular fixture in the nurse’s office, complaining of vague stomachaches and headaches. They often can’t concentrate in school and don’t do well. Some are withdrawn and depressed. Others are very, very angry and rebellious. Sometimes they substitute attitude for confidence.
“Frequently absent, they have little chance of keeping up with the curriculum. Unable to succeed, they stay away more and more. When the school calls the parents to a meeting, the parents seldom show up. When they do show up, they may be overwhelmed and incapable or defensive and angry.”
A headmaster of school X in Manicaland opened up about a story of a boy who attends his school. *John* who doesn’t come to school. When he does show up, he is usually dirty and oddly dressed. He smells. The other kids avoid him. Although he is 12, he is still in the fourth grade. Frequent absences mean he probably won’t get promoted this year. Notes and calls to his parents get no response. *John* is neglected.
I also interviewed the counselling and guidance teacher of a certain high school in Manicaland and she told me about one of her students * Jenny* who always has the latest clothes and the latest technology. She is sexually provocative with peers and even with her male teachers.
As her guidance counsellor I was able to have one briefly unguarded conversation with her. Hungry for love and attention, *Jenny* acknowledged that she goes after sex as a route to some kind of love. The counsellor has called *Jenny’s* mother repeatedly to request a meeting. Mother says she is much too busy. “I put off my own life long enough,” says the mother. “She’s 15 now and she can take care of herself.” *Jenny* is neglected too.
Child neglect is a form of child maltreatment, a deficit in meeting a child’s basic needs including the failure to provide basic physical, supervision and emotional needs. Society generally believes there are necessary behaviours parents must provide a child in order for the child to develop physically and socially.
Neglect is found at all levels of the economic spectrum. While some kids, like *John*, suffer the dual burden of neglect and poverty, other children, like *Jenny*, have parents who have plenty of material resources. They are willing and able to provide material things but not enough care and concern.
During the school holidays parents must use this time to reconnect with their children. The role of parents in a child’s life is an irreplaceable one.
Parents you need to make time for your family no matter what is happening in your life!
