The ManicaPost
Office romance backfires
Dear Tete Joyie
I need your advice because I think I am being bullied and treated unfairly at work since I slept with my manager.
It has been so hard to work alongside her since the night we slept together.
Now she is always chatting about me behind my back. Sometimes I catch her saying things that are pretty hurtful.
What is your advice? I hate going to work now and don’t know how to make things better.
Tete Joyie says
What I don’t understand is were you in love or it was just a one night stand? This is what happens when you have an affair at work. T
he moment you part ways, one will get hurt and will not take easy. Just make her understand that it’s over and you cannot carry on with the affair. Do your duties as expected such that she won’t get any reason to harass you.
You have been intimate enough to sleep together, now you need to be grown-up enough to confront it.
Ask her for a meeting and say, “We can’t change what happened, but I would like to move on with no hard feelings. What you are doing is unnecessary and I don’t think I deserve it.”
And ask her how she thinks you can move on.
Your boss is acting like a woman scorned or maybe she is just embarrassed and doesn’t know how to handle it.
But the fact is, unless one of you leaves their job, you have to find a way of working together and remaining professional, hopefully without having to involve the Human Resources department.
That is always the danger of getting involved with someone in the office or having a one-night stand with a colleague. If things turn sour, you have to see that person every day.
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Boyfriend has broken my trust
Dear Tete Joyie
I was going out with my partner of six years and the other night a woman I have never met before came up to me and asked if we were together. I said yes and she told me that she had slept with him behind my back.
He denied it, but now I don’t know who to believe. The thing is that he has cheated on me before, but that was four years ago.
We have a family together and were best friends before we got together. I just don’t understand why a total stranger would say something like that if it was not true. I am confused.
Tete Joyie says
There is no smoke without fire, why would a total stranger randomly say something like that? No one will admit cheating to their partners, unless they are caught red-handed. I think your partner owe you an explanation. Honestly, I think if that had happened to me, I would not believe him.
I think you need more information, did it happen four years ago when he was going through a period of cheating or was it more recent?
You have to explain to your partner that this has completely rocked your world after trusting him again.
Tell him that you want to know the truth because you need to deal with it, whether that is moving on with him or putting the final nail on the coffin. He needs to give you that option.
You can deal with it one way or the other when you are satisfied that you know the truth. When you are in love with someone and they are denying it, you want to believe them, but you will always have that niggling doubt. He should respect you enough to be honest.
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He wont discuss our pregnancy
Dear Tete Joyie
I am seven weeks pregnant and my boyfriend, who I have been with for two and a half years, has just lost his job.
I can’t even talk about the pregnancy with him because he is still so devastated about his job loss.
He has known about the pregnancy for three weeks now and said we will discuss about it, but he hasn’t yet.
I don’t know what to do about the situation because all he can think about is himself. I feel sorry for him because he had worked so hard for his employer, but I need answers.
Tete Joyie says
This guy is just afraid of responsibility. As much as we understand that he is stressed after losing his job, there is a child coming and you have to prepare for its arrival. He should accept the current situation and focus on the future.
You are right that you need answers because you must plan together, you can’t do it alone.
There is no time to dance around the topic, you simply have to explain to him that ignoring it isn’t going to achieve anything.
If he continues to refuse to talk about it, then you may have to accept that you will be parenting alone.
I understand he is upset, but he is being incredibly selfish. You are acutely aware of his situation and sensitive to it, but he is not considering you at all.
Yes, this pregnancy may have come at the wrong time and you might be worried about how you will afford to have a child now. But in six months or less, he might have another job.
You have to look at the bigger picture – think of life as a marathon and not a sprint.
And take it from a mum of three, there is never a “right time” to have a child.
You have to be the strong one, but make sure you get support from your family and friends.
Also, go and see your gynaecologist to date your pregnancy.
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If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
