The ManicaPost
MARRIAGE DOCTOR —
Today folks I am going to continue to touch on some things, that many have been asking me about. Last week I touched on a few issues, this week I will try and touch on much more.
***
What can I do when I suspect my husband is planning to get a third wife? I am a second wife to him. He seems to now want three wives. All us wives have kids with him and even the future wife has a kid with him and might be pregnant again.
Hello dear second wife. I think the best person to ask what you should do is his first wife. She was the first one to go through the situation with her husband when he was bringing you into the marriage as a second wife. And since you became a second wife, I suppose everything she tried to do to stop him did not work.
You are now in the same position she was, so it is best to seek advice from her if you can.
I might be sounding cold and unfeeling, but the truth is you were not willing to let go of the man even after you knew he was married. You were prepared to be the other woman in the relationship and you did not care what the first wife or her kids felt or said. What we sow, we will eventually reap. So now here is another woman doing to you what you did to the first woman.
All the fears and stress the first wife went through, you are now experiencing…hard yes? Contact the first wife my dear, swallow your pride, apologise, then see what wise advice you can glean from her.
All I can say is the third wife is coming just like you did and she is not going to stop until she is legally his wife, regardless of whether there are two others there or not…. just like you did. Good Luck!
***
My husband does not stay at home much. He stays most days at his mistress home who is pregnant with his child. When he comes home he just wants sex, he brings nothing, is abusive, accuses me of all sorts, then leaves again. I have spoken to his family but they seem to be supporting him. What can I do?
Hello dear, in my experience, when a man and his family are comfortably living and supporting another woman and ignoring the wife, that usually means your marriage is over. I do not know apart from the fact that the mistress is pregnant what drove him from the home, but it looks like this situation has been going on for a long while. I cannot tell you seriously what decision to make my dear.
The decision is always yours to make in the end. All I can say is that if he is being physically abusive, get help! You do not want your kids to grow up thinking that abuse in marriage is normal – IT IS NOT! If you want to leave, but you are not financially stable, 2017 make a plan to start making a living for yourself, in time you will be able to afford to live on your own with your kids. Maybe by then your man will have reformed his ways, repented, and returned back home for good, but if not at least you will be healthy, happy and self sufficient. Be careful when having sex — use a condom for your safety.
***
I live with my mother in law and her son. My husband is always away from home, so it is basically his mother, me and the maid. I am treated horribly and his mother hates me and talks nonsense about me to everyone. This is causing many fights between my husband and I because I believe he is doing nothing to help me in this situation. I am pushing him to find us another home, but he does not have a steady income, so he does not want that. I am afraid I will lose him, with all the arguing about his mother – help!
Hello dear. I have talked about this issue over and over again. Wives you cannot win the fight against your mother in law by shouting or complaining to your man about her. You will lose that fight I assure you. No wife can get between a son and his mother.
Their relationship is unique and that’s that. Without getting into detail, my simple advice is that you try and quietly do your thing as a wife and her adopted daughter.
When he is around behave yourself, be pleasant and helpful. In time she will show her true colours in front of him and he will act. Do not be a victim, be a victor.
This is not a war you chose, but you can stop it by not engaging in it. Your enemy cannot continue to fight when there is no opposition. Be strong and focused, know your place, know who you are there for and remember to respect and honour.
Its not easy, but this is the situation you are in until you can move out.
If you put pressure on your man when he cannot meet that need, he may start to turn from you. You do not want to lose him just because you are failing to be the bigger person. It is had, but this will not last forever.
The Marriage Doctor can messaged / watsapped on 0733 285 730.
