The ManicaPost
Wendy Nyakurerwa- Matinde
Editor’s Musings
THE first step towards addressing any thorny issue is talking about it.
Keeping the lid tight will only make the filth fester even more.
For long, male victims of gender based violence have been suffering in silence and giving their abusers the leeway to continue with the physical, emotional and physical abuse.
While the #metoo campaign demonstrated just how many women had stories to share about sexual harassment and assault — and how many experiences had been kept silent until that point — most male victims are still burying their heads in the sand.
Whereas GBV, particularly sexual harassment, is now a topic of everyday discussion, society has erroneously shaped the narrative to portray women and girls as the victims while men and boys are regarded as the perpetrators.
Gender-based violence is an umbrella term for any non-consensual action done to a person due to the stereotypes and roles expected of them according to their sex or gender identity, but the scourge is widely debated as a women’s issue.
The burden of combating the bane therefore seems to fall predominantly on women’s shoulders.
However, the issue itself does not lie with women. It lies with humanity, or rather, it exists as a symptom of a society that allows sexist attitudes to fester.
A society that chooses to ignore the fact that men and boys are not immune to GBV.
Sadly, our culture still clings to narrow definitions of gender.
The stigma and shame for male survivors is exacerbated by the prevalence of toxic masculinity.
Young boys are taught not to express their emotions when they are hurt, to toughen up and be ‘real’ men.
They are socialised not to see themselves as victims.
This can be extremely detrimental to boys as they grow up, especially if they find themselves in an abusive relationship because they will not know that being a ‘real’ man does not entail accepting any form of abuse.
Consequently men may feel discouraged to talk about what is going on in their personal lives, or they feel like no one will believe them.
They may not even realise that they are being abused, or they might assume that as ‘real’ men they should just deal with the abuse on their own.
National statistics paint a gloomy picture as they indicate that men and boys are also on the receiving end as victims of various forms of GBV.
The national GBV hotline (Musasa) recorded a total of 6 832 GBV calls from April 2020 until the end of December.
About 6 percent of those calls were from men.
According to the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs, 15 926 GBV survivors (13 336 female and 2 590 male) were assisted with multi-sectorial GBV services in 2020.
Although GBV reports by men make up a smaller percentage of the total reports, there are likely many more male victims who lack the courage to expose the abuse they go through and seek help for various reasons.
The idea of males being GBV victims, particularly rape victims, is somewhat a foreign concept that is almost unbelievable and even laughable in some quarters.
This has made male victims feel like they don’t have the space or the support to speak out about their own experiences and seek help.
Consequently, male victims opt to suffer in silence.
Only last week, a Mutare man was allegedly kidnapped by two armed women, drugged and sexually abused at gunpoint.
Unfortunately, most male victims refuse to accept their vulnerability and are determined to carry on as if nothing has happened to them, yet the trauma has severe mental and physical consequences on GBV victims.
The fear of being judged, misunderstood and ridiculed in a toxic context where men are unarmed with the tools to express their emotions and support one another discourages male GBV victims from telling their stories and seeking help.
But for those who dare to lift the lid on the abuse cases, it seems like the majority of local shelters and services for GBV victims are women-focused.
Dear World, my brothers are suffering in silence.
A good number of them are being abused physically, sexually and emotionally; just like their female counterparts.
As this year’s 16 days of activism against GBV come to an end today, the time to make deliberate efforts to encourage male victims of GBV to speak up is now.
Till next week, lets’ chew the cud.
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