The ManicaPost
Dear Tete Joyie
I was impregnated by my best friend’s husband.
They are married traditionally, he only paid tsvakirai kuno for her.
We have been seeing each other for a few years, but it has taken until now for me to get pregnant, and my best friend doesn’t know yet.
My current partner knows I was seeing my friend’s husband, but I told him it was over when we got together.
I don’t want my best friend to find out, especially as she has a kid already with her partner and she is pregnant with her second one.
And I don’t want my partner to find out either because it would kill him.
Tete Joyie says
With best friends like you, who needs enemies? Look, stop kidding yourself – you are not her best friend at all.
It’s not like you slept with her husband once after a drunken night (that would be bad enough), but you have been seeing him for years and it sounds as if you planned the pregnancy or at least didn’t do anything to prevent it.
If you carry on with it, how are you going to hide it from your partner and your friend?
Your friend deserves to know what a rat her husband is and how you have betrayed her.
What a mess you have caused.
If you have any moral fibre in your body, be honest with everyone and make a fresh start with your child.
It may be harsh, but someone should tell you the truth.
If you think you are mature enough to have a child, be mature enough to own up to what you’ve done.
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Obsessed with my ex
Dear Tete Joyie
My ex and I dated for about a two and a half years. We were perfect for each other, there was no question about it.
He loved me and I loved him, but a bit further down the line we started having issues and lots of arguments.
We broke up for about a month and then rekindled things where we left off, but he was no longer the same guy I fell in love with.
He had changed within that month.
He was rude and talked to other girls behind my back, so we called it a day . . . again.
Recently, he walked back into my life after a year and said he had changed.
He didn’t want to make anything official, though, he just wanted me as a friend with benefits, I suppose.
But I fell for him again, of course.
I am a nice person with a big heart and he knows how to get me to do what he wants.
He’s now a workout fanatic and I’m not very fit.
I recently lent him money and we communicate, but I feel as if he is only using me because he has been talking about another girl, saying that she is perfect, but he is not in her league.
He called her skinny and beautiful.
I feel so hurt and I know I need to move on, but it’s hard.
How do I move on from the love of my life?
I don’t usually fall for someone like this.
This isn’t my first rodeo!
I can’t help loving him, but he isn’t attracted to me anymore now that he is so into fitness.
Why can’t I say no to him?
Tete Joyie says
I wish I could wave a magic wand to give you the strength to dump him, but it has to come from you.
Why not start by making a list of exactly what you find attractive about him and another list of all the things he’s done to hurt you, then give it some proper consideration?
And I disagree with you, I don’t think he is the love of your life.
Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place.
You must have had good reasons at the time.
Looking at this positively, you managed to live without him for a year before he waltzed back in with his list of terms and conditions.
Stop listening to your heart and listen to your head.
And if you need help with that, ask your friends.
I’m sure they can help you see sense.
If you don’t take action now, you could be writing to me in 10 years, still just his friend with benefits and you won’t have given yourself the opportunity to meet anyone else.
Letting someone go is painful and it takes time to get it over it, but you know it’s the right thing to do.
Let him go off with his skinny girl and tell him you’re ecstatic you’re “not in his league” because you will always be a nicer, better person whatever size or shape you are.
Nothing he does at the gym can make him attractive on the inside.
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