The ManicaPost
Dear Tete Joyie:
My partner is obsessed with the two of us being some sort of “power couple”.
I had a baby boy three months ago and he wants me to get back to work, as he likes to boast that I am a highly successful career woman.
He recently suggested that we should look at a house just around the corner from his mother.
I couldn’t understand why until he told me he would like her to look after our son so that I can go back to work full-time.
This was never the plan – his income means I don’t need to work and because I am in sales, I would have to do a huge amount of travelling, so I would rarely see our son.
I hate the fact that he is so obsessed with status and portraying a dynamic image.
What should I do?
Tete Joyie says:
You need to impress upon your man that your child is your priority right now.
Maybe you will go back to work in the future, but your son is still only three months old and needs you.
Tell him that you don’t care about your image or what his friends think of you as a couple, but you hope he cares about your happiness and peace of mind.
Explain that having your child is the most important job you will ever undertake and you don’t appreciate him undermining your efforts.
Insist that he drops this matter and concentrates on supporting you, loving your child and enjoying every precious day you have as a family.
****
Her troubled son is not welcome
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have become friends with a mum from my six-year-old daughter’s class at school.
But I don’t like her 10-year-old son, who is a little thug.
The last time they all visited, he flooded the bathroom (I think deliberately) and set a bin in my daughter’s bedroom on fire.
I understand the boy is unhappy because his parents have split up and there are issues with his father.
Even so, how do I tell this woman that I like her daughter but can’t have her son in my home?
Tete Joyie says:
It is very unfortunate that your friend’s young son is so distressed, but you have to put your own family’s safety first.
A fire?
A flood?
What is the next incident going to involve?
I suggest you find yourself busy the next time an after-school play date is suggested.
The problem with confronting your friend and telling her the truth is that playgrounds are a notorious hotbed of gossip and sensitivity.
The last thing you want is a public fall-out with anybody.
****
I’m sick of being his back-up girl
Dear Tete Joyie:
My on-off boyfriend only seems to want me to be there in reserve for when his other relationships fail.
We have been seeing each other intermittently since 2007 and he is always been “the one” for me, but he really hurt me the last time he walked away with an old friend I had introduced him to.
I swore then that I would never allow him to use me again, but he is back in touch, saying that he is lonely and I am the only one who “gets him”.
He swears he will never let me down again, but can I take that chance after all the humiliation and misery he has put me through.
Tete Joyie says:
You and I both know that there is only one answer to your question – and that is a resounding NO.
You have to face the fact that this man is a shameless user with no scruples whatsoever.
He leeches off you whenever he is on his uppers, but is out of the door in a flash as soon as someone new and exciting comes along.
You have to start putting your own mental and physical health first before he’s responsible for breaking you completely.
His current situation is not your problem and you can’t allow him to worm his way back into your life again just as you’re getting better.
Tell him today that you have moved on, then ask your friends and family to support you in staying strong.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write to us remain anonymous.
