The ManicaPost
Dear Tete Joyie:
MY husband’s driving is becoming increasingly alarming.
We are both in our mid-60s and retired, and frequently travel to visit our son and his family about 50km away.
Trips with him on the wheel feel dangerous, with him ignoring speed limits and road signs and crossing lanes with scant regard for other road users.
He is terribly impatient and constantly swears loudly.
After a car journey, I feel a nervous wreck, yet he seems to get pleasure out of upsetting me.
I also worry when he is out driving on his own as he is often fiddling with the radio or adjusting his satellite navigation device.
Any attempt to pass a comment or discuss this simply meets with hostility, however I approach it.
What can I do?
Tete Joyie says:
Enraged drivers are so out-of-control that they endanger the life and health of their passengers, fellow motorists and pedestrians.
Therefore, with your safety and those of others at issue, your husband’s erratic driving is an extremely serious problem.
You need to sit down with him at home – don’t leave it until you are in the car, and ask him directly about his unacceptable behaviour behind the wheel.
Talking about his anger and loss of control could well prove an outlet for your husband’s feelings, rather than him suppressing them until they explode on the road.
How does he handle other difficulties in his life?
People who display road rage often have many issues and if addressed could improve their aggression.
It is unmanaged stress and emotions that cause bad driving.
Could your husband be angry with you, and consciously or not, be using his driving to make a statement?
He is failing to show you respect and it seems to me there may be problems within your relationship that need to be sorted.
Whatever the reason, there is no excuse for his dangerous driving, and he needs to find new ways to manage his bad temper.
I would urge him to make an appointment with his General Practitioner who can refer him for some anger management.
However, if he gets defensive, dismisses your fears or blames other road users for his attitude, it is better to make alternative travel arrangements.
Just because your husband won’t put your safety first, it doesn’t mean you can’t.
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Fallen in love online
Dear Tete Joyie:
Three months ago, I met a man on the internet, and we speak at least once a day.
It sounds quite ridiculous for me to say this, but we have fallen in love, even though we are both married to other people.
He has two young children and I have three.
Luckily he lives a great distance away, otherwise I would be tempted to meet up and embark on an affair.
My husband and I just don’t communicate anymore, and every time I speak with this other extremely attentive man, who makes me feel wanted and desirable, it reinforces how bad my marriage has become.
I know what I am doing is wrong, and I do still have some feelings for my husband, but I am struggling to give up the excitement of the other man.
Can you see a way forward for me?
Tete Joyie says:
The online environment is the perfect breeding ground for fantasies, allowing us to ascribe all the wonderful qualities we want in a partner to someone we have never met.
This may seem harsh to digest, but falling in love on the web is more desperation than reality.
You have stepped into a dangerous make-believe world and, if allowed to continue, you could become very restless and resent your husband for what you cannot have, which could turn into a difficult situation.
Your relationship with this man is not real. It is simply a form of escapism from what has become a dull marriage.
What is real is what you have, which you should be working on keeping, not putting your energy into something that could become your downfall.
Maybe your husband would start to communicate better if you focus more on your family life, and stop betraying him for imaginary passion.
You need to realise that at times every marriage has problems, and working together to solve and get through such difficulties is what bonds and enhances the relationship.
You say you still have feelings for your husband, so build on those feelings.
Get away with your husband for a short break, or even an overnight stay.
Spending quality time talking and relaxing together will hopefully enable you to start enjoying each other’s company again.
Nevertheless, to reconnect with your husband, you must let go of your fantasy and fully disconnect yourself from this other man.
Go and pull the plug on that computer, and go back to the real world.
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If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
