The ManicaPost
Wedding Diary Ann Ruthenburg
HELLO there readers, hope you are enjoying the African sun, which seems to be so generous this season sho!
I had several messages over the months from guys saying: “Women need to know how to deal with their men especially when it comes to what to talk about and when.”
So, I thought what better time to discuss this than in this summer season when love is aglow and weddings are many.
So guys, this is what you had to say to the women . . . Women listen up!
And last, but not least, ladies, men say that if you see a man being evasive about certain subjects, take the hint they are not comfortable with it.
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Guys complain about not understanding women. Women, on the other hand, complain that it can be hard for them to communicate with their men because there are some topics that make guys shut down and withdraw. When a guy’s with his buddies, however, he opens up and talks about everything.
It is understandable that women can feel alienated by this behaviour. Most guys don’t really want to open up about their past especially when it is very early in the relationship or when the courtship is well underway. Here are some topics that generally make guys uncomfortable when brought up.
The past
If it is about childhood experiences, then that is okay. When it comes to more personal decisions or experiences we have had as adults, though, that is not so okay. Sharing your own experiences with your guy to get him to talk doesn’t really work, so you will have to be patient and give him more time; he’ll eventually open up on his own.
His sexcapades with the Exs
Even mentioned in passing or as a joke, this topic gets men’s red flags raised. Unless he is the one who volunteers the information, try to avoid this topic at all costs. This one is something for just his buddies; as your sexual experiences with your exs are for you and your girlfriends.
Their mistakes or failures
Despite any machismo or bravado men may display, men often have the more fragile egos in a relationship, so breaching the topic of failure is not really going to make your guy feel comfortable with you.
While his buddy knows about his failures, trying to coax the information out of them isn’t the best strategy for a girlfriend. Time is your best ally. When he’s confident that you won’t judge him for the mistakes he’s made, he’ll be more willing to open up.
How you see yourself
“Am I fat?” “Do you think that girl is hotter than I am?” “Do you think I should go on a diet?” “I don’t feel pretty!”
These are some of the conversation points we try to avoid at all costs. We believe (often because of past experiences) that there is no correct way to get through the resulting conversation – ever.
This line of conversation is a no-win situation for guys, so try to keep any discussions of this sort to your girlfriends for now. And if you do get into it with a guy because of these types of questions and the resulting comments, cut him a little slack.
Let’s face it ladies, we want to hear what our man thinks, but when he is honest we get offended. Best to just ask someone else. You will know what your man thinks in time, guys are good that way. It’s good, he will comment; if it’s not okay he will comment; if it’s normal he won’t say anything. It’s simple.
Problems they may be having
You may be genuinely interested in his problems, but many guys will think you’re using this as an excuse to make them listen to your problems instead.
Early on in the relationship, men will be very reluctant to bring up any problems they might be having.
It’s a natural conversation downer, and nobody really wants that. If you’re just starting out, better leave this one to his buddies of pseudo-psychologists and problem solvers. Besides you know what we are like ladies, we may find ourselves bring his issues up months later and using it against him lol.
Their hobbies
Guys generally avoid talking about their hobbies (cars, gadgets, video games <http://www.femalenetwork.com/travel-leisure/the-girls-guide-to-gaming-20-video-games-to-try/>, Star Wars, Star Trek, etc.) out of fear.
Rejection, shame, being made fun of these are just some of the things they worry about when it comes to revealing what they do when they are not spending time with you.
Try to mention your own hobbies to help your guy feel at ease. And avoid making jokes or taking his hobbies or communities lightly. He will be very protective of them. And if you are one of those who does not understand guy things – ask him to teach you; if he says no, don’t get offended wena – it’s his thing!
Questioning topics
Questions make men suspicious. We have this fear of being lulled into a false sense of security, so much so that it will be too late when you spring the dreaded trick questions. General questions are fine. You can sprinkle a few personal questions here and there, but men everywhere cringe at this combination: a personal question regarding an ex that has a follow-up question, maybe three.
Jealous behaviour
The topic of jealousy is something guys have ranted about for generations. It is not a sin to talk to other women or to fraternise a little with female co-workers, but they feel guilty and pressured when their significant others start to act jealous and they avoid talking about how they feel because they are afraid of making things worse.
Giving in to the green-eyed monster is never a good way to show your man that you care about him, and neither will it help him open up to you. It shows him you don’t trust him, and that could affect his level of trust in you.
We need to talk
Don’t say this people. Men know this is trouble and women you know this statement is trouble. Use this statement carefully, cautiously and only when necessary. If you want your man to avoid you; tell him you need to talk. He will come up with every excuse in the book not to see you or discuss the topic needed to be discussed. By the way if we want to be honest with ourselves as women; we also do not like it when our men say; we need to talk! Lol.
Well there you go ladies, a few topics to avoid or tread lightly with when you are around your man. Men I have said it, I hope you are happy now lol!
That is it from me this week folks, have a blessed week.
Anastasia can be watsapped or messaged on 0772 933 845.
