The ManicaPost
Dear Tete Joyie:
MY girlfriend’s 16-year-old son has suddenly decided that he does not like me and refuses to have anything to do with me.
I am 49 and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year.
I have a son aged 16, too, who stays with me.
He knows my girlfriend’s son a bit, but has no problem with me seeing her.
He is polite to her and always gives us privacy when we ask.
Her son, on the other hand, is no longer friendly.
He used to enjoy coming out with my girlfriend, my son and me.
This has all changed.
There are so many problems with him that my girlfriend says we can’t see one another any more, especially as her son is threatening to tell his dad all sorts of bad things about me which are totally untrue.
She is naturally worried.
Tete Joyie says:
He may be picking up animosity towards you from his dad.
Tell your girlfriend that of course she wants to treat her son considerately, but it is damaging for kids to get to feel they call the shots.
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Cheating with man twice my age
Dear Tete Joyie:
I AM cheating on my boyfriend with a man twice my age.
I am 17, he is 37 and used to go out with my friend.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year.
He is also 17.
The cheating began with messaging and exchanging pictures.
We always had a lot of things to say to one another.
Then it became sexual.
I don’t know why I am doing this.
I love my boyfriend and don’t want to lose him.
I never thought I would become a cheat.
I feel guilty because I have to lie when my boyfriend wants to see me and I have arranged to see my older lover.
Tete Joyie says:
Maybe it was flattering at first, but if you don’t want to lose your boyfriend, break with this older guy.
He is very unlikely to be taking your relationship seriously and may well be simply using you.
Block him on your phone and social media to spare yourself further temptation.
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Angry for mourning late abusive hubby
Dear Tete Joyie:
WHY did I weep at my husband’s grave when he did not deserve my sympathy?
He was a bully who physically and mentally abused me for the 10 years that we were married.
He was 48 when he died of a heart attack at work.
I am 42 and I planned to get away from him for years.
Eventually, I moved back in with my mother last year, but he was still a big part of my life and I was shocked when he died.
Now I feel confused. I am grieving, but I don’t know why.
I am angry for mourning him as if I lost a good man when he was actually horrible.
Tete Joyie says:
Your abusive marriage dashed your dream of happiness with a man you must have thought was good when you married.
Now that he is gone, you are grieving the time you feel he wasted for you.
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Jealous of other married couples
Dear Tete Joyie:
I BECOME very jealous when I see other married couples going out for date nights, or when I see other people being affectionate towards one another.
I am 35 and my husband is 37. We have two boys aged five and three respectively.
We have been married for 15 years but, sometimes, I feel that he and I have become more like friends.
I don’t think he wants to do anything which involves just me and him.
He is an excellent dad, but he just wants to spend all his free time with the children.
I can’t understand why he doesn’t want to do anything with me.
He says he just likes being home with the kids when he is off work.
I could not ever imagine my life without my husband and I would not want to, but I can’t help wondering if this is all there is.
Tete Joyie says:
Your children are lucky to have a loving and involved dad, but you are going to feel very bitter if you let your life drift like this.
Tell your husband you feel rejected and unloved.
Suggest you go on date nights once a fortnight and arrange for friends or family to babysit.
Book to go to something he will enjoy too, as he may have lost the habit of grown-up chat and need a focus.
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