The ManicaPost
Dr Mazvita Machinga
I WOULD like to say compliments of the new season to all of you. 2015 has come and gone, and now we face 2016. I have a question for all of you. In 2015, were you hurt by other people? Or did you hurt other people, knowingly or unknowingly? You may have been lied about or taken advantage of, people may not have been very appreciative to all the good things you did. This article is for you. Have you carried 2015 baggage into 2016? Maybe it is not the best thing to do for your well-being. I am talking about a very important aspect in life; FORGIVENESS. One of your goals this year should be to maintain sound health by forgiving.
Some people may only perceive forgiveness as a faith issue, but NO, today, forgiveness has become a widely studied topic in the mental health clinical field.
There has been a huge leap for the clinical role of forgiveness in psychotherapy and mental health. Scores of empirical studies have shown positive benefits of forgiveness and that forgiveness is one of the healthy, necessary ingredients for sound mental health. Forgiving others is linked to fewer depressive symptoms.
Science and medicine are now accepting that unforgiveness, resentment, anger, and guilt all have negative physiological/medical effects on the person.
They can produce distress and illness; a state of “bones wasting away” as this is affirmed by scripture. (Psalm 32:3). If you wish to be well, one of the mental health requirements is to forgive.
Apart from spiritual benefits, when you forgive, you change your physiology and your psychology. An author , Wilson, J. L. (2009) states that, “People who forgive report decreased psychological distress, including fewer feelings of restlessness, hopelessness, and nervousness.
Young adults who report high levels of self-forgiveness were more likely to be satisfied with their lives. Older adults who report high levels of forgiveness for others were more likely to report increased life satisfaction and contentment.
Before going on further, let me clarify what forgiveness is not and then in the next article I will focus on what it is and why it is important for your mental health.
1. Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending that the event never happened. It is known that after experiencing an excruciating experience to forget is not realistic. It is usually impossible to forget events in our lives whether positive or negatives.
Deep hurts may never be eradicated from your brain memory. Sometimes deep trauma may cause amnesia (memory loss) but this is not healthy.
2. Forgiveness does not mean closing our eyes to those who have hurt us. It is not approval of the wrongs that people have done to you. It is not an endorsement of the evil deeds done to others. Forgiveness is not justifying the wrongs that have been done to you.
There is no way evil actions can be justified. We should never call something that is evil “right”, neither God can do so. So, it is like, a rapist should pay for his action and not justify the action at all.
3. Forgiveness is not pardoning what someone has done because pardon is a legal transaction that releases an offender from the consequences of their action such as penalty or sentence.
4. Forgiveness is not repressing the wrongs that were done to you. Repression has negative consequences for one’s well being. Repression cannot remove the wounds. Even when the pain is posted into the subconscious mind, it will still come out one way or the other often causing depression, anxiety, stroke, hypertension or even heart attack. So, what am I saying, while it is not easy, forgiveness is an intentional and voluntary process, driven by a deliberate decision to forgive? Genuine forgiveness results in decreased motivation to retaliate or maintain bitterness with a wrongdoer despite their actions while holding the wrongdoer accountable of their actions.
In 2016, it is important that you let go of negative emotions toward those who wronged you and release the bitterness. It means as a person who has been hurt you need to acknowledge that you were treated badly, not as a sort of willful blindness to what has happened. Just remember that forgiveness aids improves physical and mental health, restores your sense of personal power and helps bring about reconciliation between aggrieved partners. Forgiving can be painful, if you cannot do this alone, professional help is always available. In the next article watch out more good tips on what forgiveness is and why it is important for your mental health.
Dr Mazvita Machinga is a qualified psychotherapist, who can be contacted at 0771 754 519 or [email protected] for counseling and mental health care.
