The ManicaPost
Ann Ruthenburg
I DON’T know; but we asked men on why they cheat and these are the responses . . . please note, however, there are many, many reasons we were given, some unprintable, some unspeakable, some just out of spite and neglect and many times because they feel they will not get caught.
But the following reasons seemed to be given often, so I guess these are the major reasons, the rest are individualistic.
We found out that the main reason for men to cheat was a major disturbance or instability in the marriage as the primary reason. When there are regular fights at home with his wife, which are left unresolved, a pattern sets in wherein he continues to be unhappy and ‘disturbed’.
In this kind of a scenario, either he can fight or he can flee. When he looks for an affair, he is fleeing from dealing with the issues in the marriage and be comfortable with that ‘other person’.
It is telling oneself that the problems do not affect anyone and life can continue in a better way with a parallel support. Most men do not actually want to fight with their women, they prefer to sweep the issue under the mat. Whereas most women want to talk and talk and talk until the issue is resolved. When this happens, like we say, he will take to his heels to find comfort in a quieter environment (in the arms of another woman).
Boredom is another reason why African men said leads to affairs. Some men may find the routine of a married life to be tedious and dull. These men find it easier to shift dominance or primacy to another relationship and feel the spark outside to be a thrilling option, instead of finding ways of charging their marriage. It becomes present moment for gratification versus the hard job that they will have to do in their marriage to resolve an issue.
The extra-marital relationship provides them with a ready-made and fresh experience which is appealing enough to take the risk. This is why I always tell women…make your man chase you. Stop being dull, enjoy life, change your look, add spark to your relationship, go places and experience new things together. Even if he says no, he doesn’t want to…you do ladies. It could save your marriage.
Another reason that was brought up was that men want to experiment sexually. Sex has always been and will always be an integral part of a marriage. While some men are quite content spending the rest of their lives being intimate with the same wife for many years, others prefer to experiment more as a need, rather than as an option.
They want to sleep with many women, many times, and therefore do not think twice before an extra-marital alliance. It perhaps makes them feel sexually powerful and more adept than others. Nothing to do with Love; it’s just Sex!
Emotionally dissatisfied is another reason given. When their wives are too busy with their own lives, working or bringing up children or even looking after in-laws and parents, emotionally, men are left high and dry. But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they are appreciated and they want women to understand how hard they are trying to get things right. Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked. Sometimes the couple may not be compatible so, however, much the wife may do, the man will always find something to complain about. It may also happen that the woman he cheats with is his co-worker or boss, someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts. That’ is another reason why it is so critical that he feels valued at home. You get it ladies…the way you spoil your little son, do the same to your man lol!
A big one is that it runs in the family. Some men, in their childhood, may have witnessed cheating in their parent’s marriage. This somewhere gives them a message that it is okay to cheat, even though deep inside they know this is wrong.
All of us learn from our parents, so taking the risk is good enough. This acquired learning also happens through cheating resorts taken by elder siblings, neighbours, peer group and everybody who has been impacted. Sometimes as teenagers and young adults, some men have had multiple relationships, these men either intentionally or accidentally end up going back to their ex-girlfriends. The other lot goes back to their past style of having multiple relationships. It is well said, what a mind thinks, achieves. So there are females also who are either consciously or unconsciously looking for such men. Men can’t cheat on their own… there is always a willing female out there unfortunately.
Believe it or not, there are some cheating men who have wives who cheat too. Men also take revenge on their cheating wives by having multiple relationships themselves. Even if their wives admit their guilty and end their extra-marital relationships, some men continue with their tricks. This is mostly done by men who don’t want to forgive their spouses. How unfair is that?
This one in my opinion is cowardly, but it happens. Some cheating men think it is the best way to get a divorce. Some men are wilfully adulterous and use it as a means for acquiring divorce. The law also considers adultery as a fair ground for the wife to seek a divorce. The man is cheating openly and is in a non-receptive mood, taking the wife’s feelings of frustration to an all-time high. Although this percentage is less but it is there.
The last major reason for cheating is that men need to be needed. When men feel that they are not needed by their wife anymore, they look out for some other woman who can understand them and make them feel special. As an obvious outcome of a new relationship, they get that feeling from the other woman. And suddenly when they are showered with attention, which they haven’t received in a very long time in their marriage, they toss their hands in the air and get deep into the new hot and happening relationship.
Well, there we go people. This is the result of the question why do men cheat. I do not think we exhausted everything, but it’s clear enough, that men are just boys deep inside, needing the same care and attention their mother gave them…yooooooo! Love you guys, but truth is truth lol!
That is from me this week, until next week, God Bless!
The Marriage Doctor can messaged / whatsapped on 0772 933 845.
