Dear Tete Joyie
My younger sister died last year in a tragic car accident aged just 18.
I am 21.
At first, my friends were extremely caring and supportive.
But now everyone seems to have forgotten about me, and the impact this has had on me.
I feel I have no one to talk to, and that life is just, not worth living if my sister is not here.
I have contemplated suicide many times.
I just do not know how to get out of this very dark place.
I cannot talk to my parents as they are still grieving for the loss of their child, and do not seem to understand or have time to deal with my grief.
My grandmother always reads The Manica Post, and read an article this week saying they have an agony aunt, which we had not realised.
I went online and thought I would write in.
I hope you can help me as I do not know where to go for help.
Tete Joyie Says:
I am so sorry for your painful loss, and feel utterly privileged that you have taken time to write in to me when your grief is still very raw.
It is always sad to lose a loved one, but far more difficult to make sense of when a young person dies, particularly in such tragic circumstances.
Sometimes we can feel no one understands because we do not open up.
I urge you to try to talk to your parents or another family member.
You may not be doing so because you do not want to upset them, and they may not be talking to you for the same reason.
Even if the tears flow, it is better to share your feelings and comfort each other, and to remember the happy times as well as the sad ones.
Your friends probably do not realise how you feel.
Tell them how much you miss your sister and that sometimes you want to talk about her.
Contemplating suicide is a serious cry for help, and I believe you urgently need some professional support.
Contacting your GP who could offer you a health check and refer you for some counselling should be a priority. T
here will always be difficult times, and although you cannot see it just now, there is so much to live for.
Please trust and believe you will be happy again, and able to experience the joy life can bring, like falling in love one day, and maybe having children of your own.
Go and get the help you need and deserve so you can start living the life your sister cannot.
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Agony of loving a man who doesn’t deliver
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am 30, and was having an affair with a married man for over five years.
Each year he promises to spend Christmas with me, but when the time comes, he finds excuses for us not to be together.
To my joy, he promised that this year was definitely my turn. Now, to my huge
disappointment, he tells me that he may have to spend Christmas with his wife and children as his wife has made plans he cannot get out of, but if possible, he will visit me at some stage.
This has left me heartbroken and depressed as everything is only ever on his terms.
My sister who lives a long distance away, has invited me to stay for Christmas, and now I just do not know what to do, as I love my boyfriend, but do not want to risk being alone for Christmas either.
My friends are furious that I allow this man to treat me with such disrespect.
They want me to leave him and find someone else.
I have been invited to lots of Christmas parties, but normally decline as my boyfriend gets jealous, and in the past I have ended up staying home alone, thinking of him with his wife.
Please help.
Tete Joyie Says:
This man is not your boyfriend, he is somebody else’s husband, and after reading your letter, I predict that is all he will ever be.
My very firm advice will be to accept your sister’s kind offer, and spend time away from this selfish man who won’t leave his wife, wants you to be there when it is convenient for him, is only concerned with his own needs, and is full of broken promises.
Otherwise, you could wait around all over Christmas with the possibility of feeling miserable, lonely and let down.
How can it ever be your turn when this cheat is married to someone else?
Could 2025 be the year you finally accept you are wasting your life on someone who is already spoken for?
I am sorry if this reply may not be the one you wanted, but I hope it helps you to recognise that you need to move on from this destructive relationship to a far healthier one.
Protect what dignity you have left, turn your back on this man, listen to your friends, go and have fun at the Christmas parties, and before long, you may even find your very own loving husband that you are worthy of and deserve no less.
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If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
