Dear Tete Joyie:
My wife and I have been friends for five years before marriage and we have been married for 10 years.
I have realised that for the past year, my wife and I are enjoying all the other perks of marriage, but we hardly have sex.
Is this normal or we are headed for divorce.
I am not cheating on her, and I believe she is not cheating on me as well, but our sex life is no longer that active.
Tete Joyie Says:
It is not uncommon for couples to experience changes in their sex life over time.
Many factors can contribute to this, such as stress, health issues, or simply the natural ebb and flow of a long-term relationship.
The important thing is to communicate openly with your wife about how you are feeling, and to listen to her perspective as well. It is great that you trust each other and enjoy other aspects of your marriage.
Working together to understand and address this issue can help strengthen your bond even further.
It could be something as simple as routine setting in or stress building up (work, kids, health, etc.).
Physical intimacy in long-term relationships sometimes takes a backseat to other aspects of life, especially when both partners are busy or facing personal challenges.
Emotional or physical changes over time can also play a role.
That said, it is really important to address how you are both feeling openly, without placing blame.
A conversation about the change in your sex life could help uncover any underlying issues whether they are emotional, physical, or just a lack of quality time together.
Sometimes, couples need to actively make time for connection, intimacy, and affection, and this does not always happen on its own.
It might help to check in with each other and make sure you are both on the same page about what you want in your relationship moving forward.
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‘My husband is so stingy’
Dear Tete Joyie:
My husband is so stingy that even when I am in real trouble he hardly makes a contribution.
There is a time when I ran out of fuel and I called him he only sends me $3 so that I could get home.
I always buy monthly grocery supplies, and he only pay rates for the house, electricity and our child’s school fees I am the one who caters for that.
He has a very well-paying job, but the problem is his stinginess.
Please, help me on how to tackle this issue.
Tete Joyie Says:
I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.
It sounds like you are facing a lot of frustration and disappointment in terms of financial support and partnership in your marriage.
It is natural to want to feel like you are both working together when it comes to responsibilities especially when it involves finances, which can be a significant stressor in relationships.
It sounds like you are feeling frustrated and unsupported, which is completely understandable.
Money can be a sensitive topic in relationships, but open communication is key.
Here are a few steps you might consider:
1. Have an honest conversation: Share your feelings with your husband in a calm and non-confrontational way.
Explain how his actions make you feel and why you need more support.
Share your feelings by explaining how his actions make you feel unsupported and frustrated.
Use “I” statements, like “I feel stressed when I’m the only one handling the grocery bills” or “I feel disappointed when I needed help and you didn’t contribute more.”
2. Set clear expectations: Discuss and agree on how you both can contribute to household expenses and emergencies.
This can help avoid misunderstandings in the future.
A clear and mutually agreed-upon budget could help to create transparency in how money is spent and divided.
This could lead to more equality and fairness in financial contributions.
3.Define shared financial responsibilities:
It might help to revisit your financial expectations together.
If you are carrying a significant burden alone, it is important to clarify what responsibilities each of you should take on.
Perhaps setting a more balanced approach to household expenses, including groceries and other everyday costs, could alleviate some of the tension.
4.Seek professional help: If the conversation does not lead to any changes, consider seeing a financial advisor or a couples’ therapist. They can provide an objective perspective and help you both find a solution.
5.Understand his perspective: Try to understand why he might be acting this way. Is he worried about something specific?
His stinginess may stem from something deeper, like personal values, past experiences, or financial insecurities.
If he is not open about why he behaves this way, try to ask about his feelings around money.
Sometimes, people don’t realise how their behaviour affects others.
Sometimes understanding the root cause can help address the issue more effectively.
Remember, it is important to approach this with empathy and a willingness to work together.
You are a team, and finding a balance that works for both of you can strengthen your relationship.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
