Mother-in-law a danger to self, others

12 Oct, 2018 - 00:10 0 Views

The ManicaPost

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s mother has just left and the house stinks of booze from her breath.

We have two little girls. Thank goodness that one was at nursery and the other one sleeping upstairs when she called. I hate it to see her like that when she’s slurring her words.

The frightening thing is she drove to our house then back home and I’m sure she’s over the limit.

She’s 66 and a widow. I’m 34 and my husband is 36. He has promised he’ll tackle her about her drinking soon.

I know that’s not easy to do but she’s surely a danger to others as well as herself. I daren’t leave her alone with my kids for even a minute.

If my husband won’t take on the job then I’ll do it myself but it won’t go down well.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m on your side. Your mother-in-law needs help. What if she hurts, even kills, another road user? You would never forgive yourself for just standing by.

Tell your husband it’s time that he spoke to his mum and that, unless he is sure that she won’t drink and drive, he should take care of the keys to her car.

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE just had a termination after a fling with a man — because I’m married to a woman.

I’m a woman of 34. My husband is 38 and handsome but we don’t always get to spend much time together. We are both nurses but based in different hospitals and work different shifts.

We met during our training. I had sex with a guy when I was 17 and I’ve had relationships with men since then, until I married my husband a year ago.

I met a guy in a kebab shop after a night out with the girls from work. He was with his friends and there was a lot of banter as we waited for our food. He’s my age and very attractive.

He lives down my road so people started saying their goodbyes as we walked along until there was just the two of us. My kebab had so much chilli sauce that I was gasping for a drink so he invited me to his house for water.

He told me he’s married with a two-year-old daughter. They were away visiting his wife’s mum in Scotland. I got up to leave and he put his number in my phone so I could tell him I’d got home safely.

I texted him later and he invited me over the following evening for a bottle of wine. As the alcohol flowed, so did our conversation and I admitted how much I missed sex with a man.

He said he’d always had a fantasy about sex with a lesbian and he kissed me. We had sex on his sofa and it was so good to be back with a man again.

Since then we’ve been meeting whenever we can and he sometimes comes to my place. But I found out I was pregnant last month. I had to have an abortion or my husband would have been heartbroken. I’ve realised I’m messing with people’s lives.

I do miss sex with the man but I’m not sure whether to tell my husband what I’ve done, or the guy I’ve been fooling around with. He doesn’t know about the pregnancy.

DEIDRE SAYS: I understand the extra pressures and temptations that can result from being unfaithful but surely this proves to you that you have to make some firm decisions about the future.

Or is it that the pressures of your jobs and the different shifts have turned you into ships that pass in the night, that you haven’t been enjoying a proper relationship with your husband let alone a fulfilling sex life?

In that case, look at whether you can change your working life or leisure time so you have more quality time together. Even one great evening or day together a week can make a massive difference to how you feel about one another.

DEAR DEIDRE: HOW do I get over my heartbreak after my daughter ditched me to live with my ex and his new partner.

She’s 15 and she’s been gone for two weeks. My ex-husband was abusive to me, wasn’t interested in his child and I’ve never had a penny from him.

His new girlfriend pushed him into introducing her to our daughter. She means well, but my girl thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread and she’s moved in with them.

I’m 39 and haven’t told her how abusive her father was to me. Now she shouts at me, blaming me for her not seeing her dad.

She’s disrespectful, though the truth is he was never bothered about her until now.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your daughter, her dad and his new partner are in a honeymoon period but try to be patient.

Tell her shouting gets nowhere and try to arrange to see her regularly.

Don’t rush to tell her the truth about her dad as you risk sounding vindictive, but she is old enough to know the truth when things have calmed down.

DEAR DEIDRE: NEXT month, I’m getting married — but I’ve been in love with my fiancée’s sister ever since we met.

I’m 32 and my fiancée is 30. Her sister is 28 and is in a long-term relationship but it blows my mind whenever I see her. We always have such a laugh.

It makes me feel worse to see how close my fiancée and her sister are. I can’t say anything. In my mind I have often chosen the sister over my fiancée as someone I want to be with long-term. I’m sure her sister doesn’t feel the same way about me. I still love my fiancée, but I can’t stop obsessing about her sister.

DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe her sister has such a pull because she shares qualities that you love in your fiancée, but you can fantasise that she doesn’t have any of the aspects of your fiancée’s character you’re not so keen on.

Or maybe you are nervous of committing totally to your fiancée, so it feels safer to tell yourself you love someone else too. It’s unfair to get married with such divided feelings. — The Sun.

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