I’m in love with man twice my age

14 Jun, 2024 - 00:06 0 Views
I’m in love with man twice my age There is a problem of age gape in the couple's affair

 

Dear Tete Joyie:

TWO years ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful man.

 

We adore each other, and every time we are together, we are constantly laughing and happy.

 

He asked me to marry him and wants us to move in together.

 

This should make me the happiest woman in the world, but there is a problem, our age gap.

 

I am 26 and he is 59.

My parents are very much against our relationship and won’t even allow him in their house.

 

They insult him, and insist he is trying to control me and wanting to change me, which is absolute rubbish.

 

My friends say they don’t understand why I would want to be with a man who is almost an old age pensioner, and never ask us out as a couple because they say it would be like having their parents there.

 

My sister is the only one who seems to accept us as a couple, and she says she is just happy that I am happy.

I want to marry him and make our future together, but I am torn apart as I don’t wish to lose my friends and family over it.

What should I do?

Tete Joyie says:

There are certain types of problems that can arise from dating a much older person.

 

However, there are also many who have entered into blissfully happy marriages with wonderful, caring and mature partners, just as others have found misery with those of their own generation.

 

There is no blueprint for human happiness in a relationship.

Parents can often be slightly irrational when it comes to accepting their children’s life decisions.

 

Even the most understanding can overreact if they feel what their children are planning is not in their best interest.

Perhaps your parents are too negatively focused.

 

Encourage them to see the positive side, such as the financial security your partner may have, a wealth of experience he could bring to your relationship, and the fact that if you were to have children together, he would likely be wiser with them than in his youth.

I wonder if they are concerned that you could become this man’s carer in later life, or that he could die and leave your children fatherless?

 

Often it is presumed that the older half of the partnership will die first, but of course, this is not necessarily the case.

 

When the legendary Joan Collins married a man 32 years her junior, and sceptics commented that she may not last the pace, she laughed off the age difference, quipping ‘If he dies, he dies!’

 

Talk to your parents.

 

Tell them you are strongly considering marrying your partner, and that it would mean so much to you if they could try to accept him.

 

Perhaps your sister could act as a mediator at this time, to help encourage them to see how happy he makes you.

Let your unsupportive friends know how disappointed you are by their judgmental views, and suggest that they may surprise themselves if they were to get to know him, and actually enjoy his company.

Whether you choose to marry a man who is older, younger, or a similar age, there will naturally be some necessary compromises.

 

By stating that your age gap is a problem, you are expressing there are doubts in your mind.

 

You must listen to these doubts, but do not make your decision solely based on the opinions of your parents and friends.

Inherited a fortune from late friend

Dear Tete Joyie:

I recently unexpectedly inherited a large sum of money from an elderly lady for whom I used to work as a housekeeper.

 

I had worked for her for the last five years, during which time we had become quite close, as I seemed to be the only contact for her with the outside world, and to my knowledge she had no living family.

 

I would sit and read to her, and we would discuss the day’s news.

 

I would take her out sometimes to places she remembered from her youth, and we would laugh about some of her stories.

 

However, I had never even considered what would happen in the event of her death, and when she died quite suddenly, I was very distressed as I knew I would miss our time together.

 

My problem is that my husband has big plans for my inheritance, and I don’t agree with him.

 

I want to do something in her memory, and also give some of it to worthy causes which I knew she supported.

My husband wants to spend, spend, spend.

 

I have always known that money changes people, but I am actually quite disgusted with his manner over this.

What should I do?

Tete Joyie says:

Losing a friend is never going to be easy, especially one who you saw so regularly, and with whom you had forged a strong bond.

Keeping your own sense of calm and maintaining your friend’s memory are an important part of the grieving process.

 

You are understandably angry because of the pain your friend’s death has caused, therefore, particularly sensitive to your husband’s comments, which merely reinforce your sorrow.

I doubt he means to deliberately upset you, but possibly is thinking that as you dedicated much of your time to this lady, you now deserve some enjoyment from her kind gesture.

 

Make him aware of your feelings – that you are not ready to make extravagant plans yet, but are prepared to compromise.

 

Hopefully he will understand that you would appreciate his patience at this upsetting time.

First, it sounds like you need cheering up.

 

So be extravagant for a day, and treat yourself to an item you would never normally purchase.

Perhaps an exquisite piece of jewellery which could become a keepsake, and remind you of your friend each time you wear it.

 

She had probably taken her own worthy causes into consideration, and had intended you to personally benefit from her bequest, so enjoy it.

 

Maybe treat your close friends and family to a meal or a trip, and spend some quality time with those you love, which will create a feel good factor.

Then put off making any further decisions regarding this inheritance until you are in a more focused state of mind, when hopefully you and your husband can then look forward to having a rational conversation about this matter.

Finally — do consider, yes, it is your inheritance, but if you decide to make any decisions without your husband, this may cause serious problems within your marriage, which I feel would be the last thing your friend would have wanted when she wrote her will.

If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, Whatsaap 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember all those who write to us remain anonymous.

 

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