Dear Tete Joyie:
I have an issue and I need your help.
I am a lady aged 19 and a guy proposed to me, but I did not accept his proposal.
After two weeks of his proposal, I met him on my way home from school and he escorted me home.
When he was about to leave, he kissed me and l responded.
The issue is I am now confused and I don’t know what to do.
I love him, but I am scared that he might break my heart.
What do I do?
Tete Joyie says:
Dear, I understand that you are feeling confused about your situation.
It’s important to remember that you are not alone.
Many people have experienced similar emotions and uncertainties when it comes to relationships.
While I am not an expert in relationships, I can offer some general advice that might help you navigate your feelings.
First, it is essential to give yourself time and space to process your emotions.
Take a step back and reflect on your feelings.
Consider what you want from a relationship and whether this person aligns with your long-term goals.
Evaluating what type of love you are looking for can provide clarity.
If you are seeking a lasting commitment, it’s important to be patient and recognise that finding the right partner may take time.
Communication is key in any relationship.
If you feel comfortable, consider having an open and honest conversation with the person who proposed to you.
Share your concerns and fears about getting hurt.
This conversation can help both of you understand each other’s expectations and decide whether moving forward is the right choice.
Remember, it is okay to feel uncertain or confused about your feelings.
Emotions can be complex, and it takes time to understand them fully.
Reach out to someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, who can provide support and guidance during this time
Ultimately, the decision of what to do next is up to you.
Trust your instincts and make choices that align with your values and well-being.
If you are still unsure about your feelings after some time has passed, consider seeking advice from a professional relationship counsellor or therapist who can provide personalised guidance based on your specific situation.
Take care of yourself, dear. Remember that self-care is essential during times of confusion or emotional turmoil.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax. Surround yourself with positive influences and focus on personal growth.
I hope this helps.
Remember that you deserve happiness and fulfilment in your relationships.
My best friend gossips about me
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have discovered that my oldest friend is not the woman I thought she was.
Three people have warned me that she regularly talks about me behind my back, and makes fun of my husband, children and cooking.
I hear that she even has a cruel nickname for me, although no one is prepared to tell me what it is.
I am so upset and disappointed that I am struggling to cope as she and I go back 20 years.
We met at a spa and just hit it off.
I went to her wedding and she came to mine.
Our children went to the same schools and we have carried on socialising and going on holiday together ever since.
But according to people I trust, she believes I am scatty, gullible and even unhygienic.
She says that my kitchen is dirty and my head is in the clouds.
She belongs to two book clubs and I have been told that I am her favourite/only topic of conversation.
If she is not laughing about my “hopeless” husband, she’s ridiculing my dinner parties or complaining about my “uncouth” children.
My youngest child (11) is very challenging, and I have confided in her a lot about his behaviour and my concerns about him.
Now to hear that these “secrets” have been used as tittle-tattle breaks my heart.
Maybe I am no Mary Berry, but I am not ungenerous and I have only ever tried to be a good friend.
She is quite a strong, forthright woman and I don’t know how to approach her.
I am frightened I will either lose it or she will attempt to tie me up in knots and I will end up apologising to her.
I daren’t tell my husband any of this because he will hit the roof.
But how can I have her in my home again when she is so two-faced?
Tete Joyie says:
You have to speak to this woman in an effort to get to the truth.
I know the temptation might be to bury your head in the sand and pretend none of this is happening, but you owe it to yourself and your family to find out where you stand.
Invite her out for a coffee or a walk and explain that you are upset; you have it on good authority that she has been talking about you and you would like to know why.
Does she consider you to be scatty or dirty?
And if so, why does she continue to pretend that she’s your friend?
Maybe she needs to be reminded that true friends are discreet and loyal.
Point out that you resent being the butt of her jokes and that you’re very disappointed and feel let down.
I suspect that she will try to deny everything; that she will accuse others of exaggerating or deliberately causing trouble.
But why would three separate people you say you trust take it upon themselves to confide in you?
What agenda could they possibly have?
Maybe you will have to ultimately conclude that you and she have become too close and that familiarity has bred contempt.
The irony is that she could actually be jealous of your life, perhaps your cosy home and loving relationships annoy her?
Alternatively, it might simply be that she considers herself your superior and takes great pleasure in looking down on you and yours.
Either way, none of us need anyone in our lives (or homes) who isn’t supportive, genuine and honest.
Your husband and children rely on you to be strong, so you can’t allow yourself to be brought down by someone like her.
I think you should share this information with him, because you are a team.
Warn him that you are going to need to look for new best friends in future.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write to us remain anonymous