The ManicaPost
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE totally fallen out of love with my husband. I can’t stand being around him. He simply won’t let me be myself. I cannot even go and see my grandchildren without him telling me to be back in time to make his tea. We have been married for 25 years. I am 52. He is 58 but anyone would think I was his mum. He retired early yet I do everything. I even have to ask permission to have a friend round.
He calls me names if I have done something he considers wrong but will never admit he is in the wrong. He just bites my head off.
My daughter says the house is mine too and I should sleep in the other room if I don’t want to be with him, but I feel so pressured.
All this has been going on a long time. I feel drained.
DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder. He is controlling and abusive, and doesn’t sound likely to change. You can’t stand him so explore getting divorced and getting him out of your life.
DEAR DEIDRE: I specifically asked my sister not to tell other members of the family about my wife’s breast cancer.
I’m 46 and my wife is 44. She had a double mastectomy. She found this very traumatic and didn’t want people asking her about it.
We kept our distance during the worst of it.
Imagine our horror when a cousin rang and asked us for a health update.
My wife and I both feel betrayed. I am thinking of cutting off all future contact with my sister for breaching our trust but am I over-reacting?
years ago
DEIDRE SAYS: It may be stress is making an irritating confidentiality issue feel like a major betrayal.
In fact your wife could find she is helped by talking about her surgery with those who love her, but who aren’t as traumatised by it as the two of you naturally are.
DEAR DEIDRE: IT feel like I have an extra child as my husband takes no responsibility.
We are both 41, with sons aged 24 and 22. I do everything around the house and organise our finances.
I have asked our kids to help but that causes rows. My husband says it will be my fault if they leave home.
I started playing Upwords on my phone with a man at work and we used to joke and chat on WhatsApp.
My husband got jealous – but he only wants me as a wife at bedtime. I don’t find him attractive any more and don’t want him to touch me.
I want to be single. I used to be scared of being on my own but now I don’t care.
DEIDRE SAYS: It could be tougher than you realise to break up a marriage that has lasted since you were in your teens.
You might find your sons aren’t very understanding of the decision.
Tell your husband he needs to make some major changes if your marriage is to survive.
He must agree to a fair division of tasks, both practical and financial.
After that, it is down to him to make the effort. Give him six months to change
