Dear Tete Joyie:
How do I deal with my husband, every time we have a misunderstanding, he refuses to eat the food that I cook and prepare his own meals. He does it for weeks and it is getting to me.
Tete Joyie Says:
Dealing with a situation where your husband refuses to eat the food you prepare when he is angry can be difficult, but there are a few strategies you can try to address the issue constructively:
Talk to him calmly: When things are calm, try to have an open conversation about why he refuses to eat the food. Is it related to his mood, something specific about the food, or a deeper issue in the relationship? Understanding the root cause is essential to resolving the problem.
Empathy: Acknowledge his feelings of anger without becoming defensive. If he is upset about something unrelated to the food, his refusal to eat may be a way to express his frustration. Offering empathy and understanding can help.
Separate the food from the emotion: Let him know that the food you prepare is not meant to be a reflection of how you feel about him, and it is not something personal. Sometimes, people may avoid food prepared by others when they are upset because they do not feel ready to accept affection or care in that form.
Reassure him: Assure him that you are willing to listen to his concerns, and you are not trying to control his eating choices. Acknowledge his autonomy when it comes to cooking.
Set boundaries: If his refusal to eat becomes a recurring issue, establish clear boundaries. Let him know how it makes you feel when he refuses the food you have made, and explain that while you respect his right to cook his own meals, a more considerate approach could be helpful.
Reflect on your needs: Consider how this behaviour affects you emotionally. Do you feel disrespected or hurt? Be sure to take care of your own emotional health in the process. Express your needs without guilt and ensure that your own feelings are heard.
Counselling: If this behaviour is part of a broader pattern of communication or conflict issues, seeking the help of a couples’ counsellor can provide both of you with tools to improve your relationship and resolve underlying issues.
Ultimately, open communication, understanding each other’s feelings, and finding practical ways to navigate conflicts around food can help improve the situation.
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Fed up with sex-maniac spouse
Dear Tete Joyie —I love my husband so much, he takes care of me and he provides for the family. The problem that is there is that he loves sex everyday while I don’t I want it occasionally. I have tried to tell him that, but he only understands for a week, and the next week he will start again. How best can I deal with this because part of me gets angry.
Tete Joyie Says:
It is clear that you care deeply for your husband and appreciate how he takes care of you and the family.
It also sounds like you are facing a significant challenge in terms of balancing your differing sexual desires, and it is understandable that this could create frustration or even anger when your needs are not being met. Here are some approaches to help manage this situation in a way that respects both your feelings and your relationship:
Have a calm, honest, and compassionate conversation
Choose the right moment: Find a time when you both are relaxed and not distracted by stress or other issues. You might want to talk to him when you are both emotionally calm, and not in the middle of any tension, so the conversation can be constructive.
Express your feelings clearly: Be open and clear about your emotions without blaming him. Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…”) rather than “you” statements, which can sound accusatory. For example, “I love you and I appreciate all that you do, but I feel tired and sometimes pressured when sex is expected every day.”
