The ManicaPost
Dr Mazivita Machinga Mental Health
After the “A” Level results came out, someone approached me asking why I was not writing about what helps during such anxiety- provoking moments of life. Days after that I also got a call from a broadcast corporation requesting help on guidance for parents during exam results time.
This is the aim of this article to remind parents and caregivers healthy ways of responding when exam result come out. “O” Level results will be coming soon, so parents and guardians let us save lives and not cause unnecessary tragedies. As for the students, the outcome will be out and we cannot change, so accept help and move on.
Exams results day can be stressful for everyone involved especially if not handled well. It can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially when children are expecting results to match expectations set by parents. For many, receiving exam results is a stressful and anxious time. It is characterised by feelings of anticipation and uncertainty.
But, remember it is normal to feel stressed before collecting exam results for both parents and students.What matters is how the stress is handled or managed. If exam result times are not handled well and positively, they could result in every type of behaviour from silence and withdrawal to loudness and happiness. Sometimes even loss of life. You would not want that to lose your child because of acting impulsively and inappropriately.
We know that every parent wants their child to pass, but it is does not always happen. For students failing can devastate and can leave some very troubled. Remember as parents you have a great role in preparing children to face challenges in life and handling failure is one of the challenges. Your main job now is to protect your child from depression and loneliness.
Hints on how to respond
1. Keep calm, try to keep a level head, overreacting to your child’s failure can push your child to despair and helplessness and does not change the results. Keep your reaction in check as parents.
2. If your child has the results they wanted, celebrate! Letting them know they have done well, and you will help them feel good about themselves. You might like to reward them — after all, they have earned it.
But equally, if they haven’t got the results they were hoping for, your support and reassurance is going to be needed more than ever. Even if you are disappointed and angry, don’t make them feel any worse. For those with children who have passed, watch your words, you should celebrate knowing that there are some who did not make it. So being sensitive is key to offering support to all children.
3. Let them know you love them, no matter what their results. Do not compare results with those of peers, children are gifted differently and for some failure will be learning moments to do things better.All students cannot be toppers or first rankers, and that’s a fact, know that academics is just one aspect of your child’s life. Find what they may do better, or they may supplement.
4. Keep communication lines open with your children, have open conversations. As parents start the conversation since children often do not know what to say and how to start. Reflect how they’re probably feeling and say to them, e.g. “I can tell you’re worried. Yes, perfectly understandable, but let us work on doing better.”
5. Map way forward together. Supporting your child does not mean you minimise the failure; it means you are there to help her/him try again
6. Prevent your child from feeling depressed and shame, let them realise what they could do differently.
7. Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is courage to continue that counts so support your child (Winston Churchill)
8. Distract them and keep them busy after results are out these can help them relax.
9. Don’t pile on the pressure on your child and you, just be there for them and discuss next possible steps.
For schools
I encourage schools to let the process be less traumatic avoid shaming children, dehumanising them (taikuudzai maiiti kutamba, etc). Better engage counselling services at your school to help children and parents process. Caring schools always do some pre-exam results talk before a failing child receives their results.
It’s worth noting that schools and colleges are generally quite good at supporting, with practical advice and on-the-spot counselling about not losing hope and possible next steps, children can pick themselves.
Seek professional help if the situation is overwhelming for the child and yourself.
Hope this will help someone, children are a precious gift from God and nothing can replace who they are to us.
Dr Mazvita Machinga is qualified Psychotherapist based in Mutare. For contact and more help in psychotherapy and professional counseling call 0778 83 84 10 / 0771 754 519 :
Email [email protected]
