DEAR DEIDRE: I had sex with my ex for the first time in more than ten years. It was better than ever and now I am happily pregnant by him, but my poor husband still doesn’t know.
I’m 29 and my hubby is 32. He is an engineer and spends weeks at a time overseas.
He’s good-looking and fun to be with but, believe me, it isn’t much fun when he’s in Saudi on a contract and I’m over here.
When he’s home he is keen to catch up with his mates and doesn’t have much time for me.
I got a FB friend request last year from my ex. We had been close in our teens but I finished with him when I was 19 as I felt I was too young to settle down.
He later got married to somebody else and I felt a real pang.
I got a good job in London and that’s where I met my husband, the man of my dreams, I thought.
He looked really fit and was clearly a star in the firm. I felt really proud to be noticed by him. He was earning good money, still is, and he treated me great.
We flew to New York for my birthday and that’s where he pulled out the ring. How romantic was that?
Friends said I got lucky with him but, in fact, I’ve spent years feeling lonely and bored.
My husband was deaf to my pleas to come home so, when my ex got in touch, I was keen to meet up.
He said he was single again and I lied and told him I was divorced.
We’ve had an amazing affair for six weeks while my husband’s been working away. I’m now expecting a child and I’m thrilled.
We were planning a future together but my husband’s been calling and saying, at last, that he wants to call time on his travelling and start making babies instead.
I don’t want to hurt him. What do I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Perhaps he has picked up the vibe that you’ve changed. I guess you’d stopped saying you missed him and begging for him to come home.
If it were simply a choice between him and your ex, I think I’d be urging you to give him another chance.
You are married to him after all and he’s been working hard for you both.
But even then it would be a close call. It sounds like your husband has chosen to do just what suited him best for as long as he could, even though you had told him this didn’t suit you.
But that’s not the case. There are three people now to consider in all this, your husband, your ex, and your baby-to-be.
To my mind the child matters most and deserves to be brought up, and loved, by his or her own mum and dad.
Tell your husband you’re sorry but he’s missed the boat.
DEAR DEIDRE: Is my recently widowed close friend really ready to love again or am I playing with fire?
I am 55 and she is 58. She cared for her late husband for months during his final illness.
I am a local driver who gives lifts to people to hospital. That is how we met.
We have become very friendly since he died as we live in the same small town.
I hinted that I would like to take her on a date but asked whether it is too soon.
She was adamant she is definitely ready to love and be loved. It is good to hear but I am not sure if I should get involved.
DEIDRE SAYS: No reason not to have an outing together but don’t rush things on too fast. The first year after being bereaved is a time of readjustment.
While your friend says she is ready to love she may find she is not as ready as she thinks.
Take it slowly to protect yourself and to discover if you really are wanting the same things.
DEAR DEIDRE: My fiancé keeps messaging his ex asking her if she’s happy. I’m worried.
We’re both 26 and we have a three-month-old daughter. I thought our family life was good but then I found he had been messaging his ex because she was having problems after she married a guy on the rebound from my fiancé.
I thought he was just being kind but now I have found out they message every day. He might have met her too.
DEIDRE SAYS: These are early days for your little family and it’s not surprising you are finding this threatening.
Say you understand he may still feel fond of his ex and worried for her, but that you should offer support as a couple if that’s what she needs. Invite her round.
And are you including him in looking after your little girl? Make sure he’s not feeling pushed out.
Look after your relationship too. Make the most of times when your baby is asleep to have a meal together, watch your favourite TV show or have sex if you’re up to it.