Guilty feeling over hubby’s death

17 May, 2024 - 00:05 0 Views
Guilty feeling over hubby’s death The sister keeps borrowing money from family members

The ManicaPost

 

Dear Tete Joyie:

I can’t forgive myself after my ex-husband died soon after I yelled: “drop dead” at him.

He was goading me that I was turning into my mother.

 

He knew how to press my buttons, and those awful words came spilling out of my mouth.

He suffered from a heart condition and as soon as I said those words, I wished I could take them back.

Now his relatives believe I had something to do with his death.

He was 59 when he died, nine years ago. I am now 61.

Despite it being so long since he passed away, this memory still haunts me.

How can I let go of these awful guilty feelings?

Tete Joyie Says:

What you said was in the heat of the moment and you didn’t know what was ahead.

 

Keep reminding yourself that you did not contribute to his death in any way.

Think about your ex-partner.

 

Would he want you to carry around this guilty?

 

Don’t worry about his relatives judging you, you should know that only God can judge you.

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Hubby’s affair with ex-work colleague haunts wife

DEAR Tete Joyie:

 

My husband has blamed his affair with a former work colleague on being made redundant and says that virtual sex does not count as a proper affair.

 

I don’t agree and the way he is treating me makes me feel worthless, but the other problem is I don’t even believe him.

He has cheated on me before, but until I had concrete evidence, he would not admit to a thing.

He has been pushing me away over the last few months, looking at me as though he does not even like me, let alone love me.

I am 41 and my husband is 44.

 

We have been married for 10 years and have a six-year-old daughter.

I had that horrible familiar feeling that his attention was elsewhere, but it was only after this woman’s husband turned up at our doorstep making accusations that he admitted he was ‘fond of her, but does not think he is in love with her’.

My husband promised me and this man that all they had done was send each other a few ‘naughty texts’.

 

After he left, my husband admitted they had had virtual sex.

 

He still insisted that they never went as far as having physical sex.

 

But I have seen from text messages that they have spent time together and he has driven her in his truck before.

 

I feel like this other woman is actually just a distraction — a bit of escapism.

 

He was made redundant 10 months ago and his brother died recently.

 

He is struggling to find a purpose.

He is spiralling down.

 

It is starting to affect me and I am feeling helpless and lost. I am struggling to eat and sleep.

Tete Joyie says:

Even if this was simply a “virtual” affair, it can be just as painful as a sexual one.

 

I understand that you want the truth — but unless he is willing to talk, you may never know why this happened.

Your husband has suffered many losses and, like many men, this can result in them turning to someone else, because it feels easier for them to distance themselves from those close to them.

 

Would you consider going to couple counselling?

 

If you could both learn why his betrayal happened, there is a chance that you could save your marriage and even strengthen it.

You would both probably find it helpful to talk to someone sympathetic outside your situation.

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Dog used as scapegoat

Deat Tete Joyie:

 

My wife says I am not being fair to the dog when I remove it from our bedroom, but I think she uses it as an excuse to avoid getting close to each other.

I am a 57-year-old man.

 

My partner is 55. We have been together for eight years.

I really fancy my partner, but she often gets agitated when I make a move on her.

She has admitted that she does not like being nude in front of me after being in a previous abusive relationship, and she has issues with sex because of the memories of being beaten by her ex.

I always make the first move, but when I try to be intimate with her, she always mentions the dog in our room.

 

She complains it is unkind when I remove it.

 

We end up having an argument.

 

She also accuses me of snogging another woman.

I think she is just coming up with excuses, or trying to start a fight so that we won’t sleep together.

Tete Joyie says:

Find time to talk to her when you are not in bed and tell her that you are worried about the lack of sex.

Intimacy plays a huge role in relationships, so it is understandable that this is getting you down.

Explain this is becoming a serious issue and that you are worried about the impact it is having on your relationship.

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If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember all those who write to us remain anonymous

 

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