I NO longer love my girlfriend and I want to break-up — but I’m worried about a new relationship.
I am 24, she is 22 and we have gradually grown apart.
We hardly ever have sex but it doesn’t seem to bother her.
I think it would be best for both of us to move on. The trouble is that I have always suffered from premature ejaculation.
I worry about sex with another woman and I’m afraid of a new relationship because of the embarrassment. Is there any help?
DEIDRE SAYS: Could she have lost interest in sex because you two never resolved the issue of your premature ejaculation?
You need to know what makes sex satisfying for her. Have you taken the trouble? If not another relationship could suffer the same fate.
DEAR DEIDRE: A GUY touched me sexually when I was drunk and I didn’t immediately tell him to stop. I figure I must have wanted him to do it. I now feel dirty and ashamed.
My sister and I took a weekend break recently. We are in our early twenties and got chatting to a group of older guys in the hotel bar. They were all married and we felt safe with them.
I was very drunk and tired and was about to crash on the bed in our room when the guys knocked on the door. My sister let them in and they all started on another bottle.
One of the guys sat on the bed and next thing he had his hands inside my PJs. No one else could see. It makes me feel ill to think about it now.
Eventually, I told him to stop and he did. I cannot even tell my sister how I feel.
DEIDRE SAYS: Stop blaming yourself. You were dis-inhibited with alcohol but you got it together to tell him to stop and he immediately did.
Feeling that you have to keep this a secret is adding to your unnecessary guilt.
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having hot sex with my girlfriend’s best friend but now she wants me to ditch my girl and I cannot choose between them.
I am 20, my girlfriend is 19 and we have been together for two years. She is a great looking brunette with a fantastic figure.
We have always been best mates as well as lovers, though just lately she does not seem as much fun as she once was.I knew her friend slightly but then she started dating my best mate so we all started hanging out as a foursome quite often. She is 20 too.
One night the four of us were at a party.
Me and my girl’s mate are smokers so we went outside into the garden for a cigarette. We’d had a few drinks and we ended up having a real laugh. Before we went back inside I sneaked a kiss and she kissed me back. It took my breath away.
That night I texted her saying sorry but she replied I had nothing to apologise for and that she thinks I am hot. We started sending flirty texts and then arranged to meet one night at my place. When we did, we could not wait to get stripped off and had the most amazing sex.
It has carried on for the past six months. It’s not easy to keep us secret from our partners. I always thought me and my girlfriend would be together for ever. She has even started talking about getting engaged on her birthday in the summer.
Now her friend wants me to end it with my girlfriend and make us official. I admit she is better for me in many ways than my girlfriend. She is ambitious which I like, and she is so sexy and so much fun. It will break my girl’s heart and probably lose me my best mate so I do not know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: You cannot have them both so it’s crunch time. It does sound as though your mate’s girl is better suited to you and she clearly wants your relationship out in the open — long overdue, I’d say. Your girlfriend is in love with you and sees a future together so of course she is bound to be heartbroken if you end your relationship.
But she will get over you in time and find someone who wants only her. Your mate will move on too and find another girl.
So get on with being honest but tread carefully.
DEAR DEIDRE: I SPENT the night having amazing sex with an old friend and colleague. I really want to be with him but I cannot bring myself to end my relationship.
I have been with my partner for ten years. He is 37, I am 36 and we have a three-year-old daughter. I stopped being in love with him years ago. I love him as the father of our daughter but that is all.
Sex with him is dull and routine and I would like a bit of excitement in bed. He doesn’t like going out, whereas I do, but he always makes me feel that I should not go out anywhere without him. I tried to break it off with him a year ago but he cried and promised that things would get better. We did for two weeks but we are back to the same boring relationship.
This old friend is 35 and we met five years ago at work. He made me laugh and feel good about myself which I didn’t feel with my partner. My friend told me back then he liked me but I chose to stay with my partner as I was scared of finding myself on my own if things did not work out.
He contacted me online a couple of months ago. We arranged to meet for a drink one night and I told my husband I had to go away on an overnight business trip. When I saw my old friend all my feelings came rushing back. We kissed and I ended up staying the night with him. Sex with him was the best ever. He said he would like to give things a go between us if I were single, which is all I have ever wanted, but he is clear that he is not asking me to leave my partner.
It’s up to me. I do want out but my little girl is so close to her daddy I am afraid to leave.
DEIDRE SAYS: IT sounds like your lover is being very careful not to promise you anything or make any firm commitment. And he’s right in a way.
If you were single you would come as a package with a little girl who might be very unhappy about her parents splitting up. Would time together feel so passionate and romantic then?
Have one more go at putting your relationship right, even if it is only for your daughter’s sake initially. Be very clear with your partner about what changes you want and that this is make-or-break time.
If nothing improves, research has shown that children are happier with separated parents who are friends than with parents who live together but don’t get on.
If this is what you decide, do take some time to be single and make sure your daughter can keep her close bond with her father. Then you can see if a relationship will work with your old friend.