Don’t love mother of my child

07 Jun, 2024 - 00:06 0 Views
Don’t love mother of my child The man does not love the woman but wants to take care of the child

The ManicaPost


Hello, Tete Joyie:

I AM a guy aged 28 and never been married.


I stay on a farm, and my father happens to be the owner.


I am viewed as the manager there.


I don’t work, but I help my father with farm management.

So it happened that sometime last year I impregnated a 21-year-old lady from the farm compound.

Honestly, I made a very big mistake.


Her parents demanded that I marry her, and they asked for US$15 000 as the bride price.

Who pays US$15 000 for roora?


I do not love her, but I am willing to take care of my child.

She later eloped and I took her to my aunt so that she could look after her.


She stayed there for a while.


We sent her back before she gave birth.

Her family refused to take her back at first, but eventually accepted after negotiations.

The child was born in January. They are insisting that I should marry her, but I don’t love her.


What should I do?

Tete Joyie says:

Thank you for sharing your situation with me.

It is a complex and sensitive issue.


First, acknowledge that you have taken responsibility for your actions by acknowledging the child and offering support.

However, marrying someone you don’t love can lead to unhappiness and more problems.

Consider the following steps:

1. Seek legal advice: Understand your rights and responsibilities regarding child support and custody.

2. Communicate openly: Explain your feelings and concerns to the mother’s family, reiterating your willingness to support the child.

3. Offer alternative support: Instead of marriage, offer to provide financial support and be involved in the child’s life.

4. Set boundaries: Be clear about your decision not to marry someone you don’t love.

5. Consider mediation: If necessary, seek mediation to resolve any disputes.

Remember to prioritise your own emotional well-being and the best interests of the child.


Scared of hubby’s dangerous driving

Dear Tete Joyie

My husband’s driving is becoming increasingly alarming.


We are both in our mid-60s and retired, and frequently travel to visit our son and his family some 100km away.

Trips with him at the wheel feel dangerous, with him ignoring speed limits and road signs, and crossing lanes with scant regard for other road users.


He is terribly impatient and constantly swears loudly.


After a car journey, I feel a nervous wreck, yet he seems to get pleasure out of upsetting me.

I also worry when he is out driving on his own as he is often fiddling with the radio or adjusting his satellite navigation device.


Any attempt to pass comment or discuss this simply meets with hostility, however I approach it.

What can I do?

Tete Joyie says:

Enraged drivers are so out-of-control that they endanger the life and health of their passengers, fellow motorists and pedestrians.


Therefore, with your safety and those of others at issue, your husbands erratic driving is an extremely serious problem.


You need to sit down with him at home — don’t leave it until you are in the car, and ask him directly about his unacceptable behaviour behind the wheel.
Talking about his anger and loss of control could well prove an outlet for your husbands feelings, rather than him suppressing them until they explode on the road.

How does he handle other difficulties in his life?


People who display road rage often have many issues and if addressed could improve their aggression.

It’s unmanaged stress and emotions that cause bad driving.

Could your husband be angry with you, and consciously or not, be using his driving to make a statement?

He is failing to show you respect and it seems to me there may be problems within your relationship that need to be sorted.

Whatever the reason, there is no excuse for his dangerous driving, and he needs to find new ways to manage his bad temper.


I would urge him to make an appointment with his doctor who can refer him for some anger management.

However, if he gets defensive, dismisses your fears or blames other road users for his attitude, I would make alternative travel arrangements.

Just because your husband won’t put your safety first, it doesn’t mean you can’t.


If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember all those who write to us remain anonymous.


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