The ManicaPost
Dr Mazvita Machinga and Past-tense Tarondwa
MANICALAND Province and the entire nation at large had a dark cloud thrown over her on April 13, 2021 when the two Benza cousins, Delan and Melisa (both seven years old Grade one pupils at St Robert’s Mbaza Primary School in Mutasa) could not be accounted for, both at school and at home.
They were waylaid and murdered.
The purpose of such a gruesome act is still unclear. The African interpretation of such an ungodly adventure, is mostly linked to ritual intent. Such sudden loss of children traumatises not only the families concerned, but all facets of humanity.
The word trauma comes from the Latin word for wound.
With traumatic experiences, the body, mind, spirit, and relationships with others can be wounded.
In this case, the loss of the two innocent souls left an irreplaceable gap; a painful wound and a scar, too visible for all to see.
As psychotherapists, though equally traumatised, our work is to try and help affected communities and people to forge a way by offering skills of managing the stress and pain that comes with such experiences.
These will be focusing and centred on identifying and reducing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder for the communities affected as well as empowering the survivors to cope with and reduce such occurrences in future.
Such atrocities affect families, communities, and society as a whole and we all need to learn how to cope in such places. The following are tips on how to cope.
Effect on family
Such a violent death is devastating for loved ones and for the immediate family members.
Pre-occupation with causal accusations, guilty, or wishes for retaliation is common. This may lead to family squabbles, mistrust, and counter accusations.
Such a tragedy and loss of innocent lives is especially hardest to bear. The death of the two cousins is unjust and has robbed the Benza family of future hopes and dreams; in the worst case of bereavement contemplation, the meaning of life is lost.
This loss of young children requires re-organisation of the family system, a feat that forever leaves a mark in the family. Family is overwhelmed by the emotional, relational, and functional impact of this loss. The family is mourning and needs resources and support.
Effect on the community
Such sudden losses shatter a sense of normalcy and predictability.
There is shock and intense emotions in the whole community.
Disorganisation and confusion are common in the immediate aftermath with people feeling that they are vulnerable and very unsafe.
Everyone no longer trusts their neighbour; the sense of brotherhood and neighbourhood has suddenly been lost.
These leads to loss of essential communal values.
Everyone is grieving and the signs of love are easily misconstrued as attempts to trap the innocent and unsuspecting neighbour — the confidence is lost.
The centre of African humanity, our Ubuntu, can no longer bind us as a people. Suspicion is reigning high. The community is mourning, and help is available.
Effect on the school
School is not just a place of learning and growth but also a refuge from abuse and other life-threatening situations. The school is one of the most revered social institutions, designed to impart moral values and desirable ethical values for all our future generations.
The sudden loss of the Benza cousins left a huge gap and a state of unimaginable trauma not only to the teachers and students at St Robert’s Mbaza Primary School in Mutasa District, but to many others throughout Manicaland and Zimbabwe.
The reality became bare and painful. It is no longer one of those stories that there are people who can murder innocent and defenceless children, for reasons only known to them.
Who knows, tomorrow it may be my child, your child or even one of our loved ones.
The schools are mourning, the entire province is mourning, it is traumatised.
How then do we respond?
Many people who experience trauma readily overcome it and continue with their lives; some become stronger and more resilient; but for others, the trauma is overwhelming.
Their lives get derailed and they cannot function well.
We need to know that response to trauma is very personal and subjective.
Some may get help from their support systems. However, the vast majority will not. The degree to which individuals and communities respond depends on the capacity, knowledge, resources, and skills people have.
Teachers and parents/guardians, your child’s reaction to a traumatic event can be greatly influenced by your own response and support. Children look up to adults for comfort and reassurance at times of crisis.
It is important that we are there for our children and we model healthy ways of coping through the following:
1. Establishment of safety is central to healthy recovery, both at school and in the community. Symptoms may not go away if no care and reassurance is offered. Make sure that children are educated on the importance of staying safe and reporting any suspicious people/activities. Make your child feel safe! Adopt some safe practice for your children. Ask children to move in groups and avoid entertaining strangers.
2. Listen to your children and engage them if they have any questions pertaining the traumatic event. It is better you explain to them rather than for them to get information from outside sources, which may be unreliable.
3. Validate the feelings and help them express the emotions in a healthy way.
4. Restore control of the situation by staying calm and talking to others who care and who you trust.
5. Reorganisation of family and community. This would involve a paradigm shift in the way we organise ourselves both as a community and families in the face of unpredictable circumstances.
6. As communities work with your community leaders for you to participate in memorial rituals.
7. Focusing on strengths has been shown to increase achievement and well-being. Trauma-affected students need opportunities to identify, recognise, practice, and use their character strengths, which include qualities like kindness, humour, creativity, and bravery.
8. As parents, let us develop a culture of constantly checking on our children as they play around. Let us know their friends as well as the types of games they are playing and where they play such games.
We hope the above tips, though not exhaustive of the ways of grieving, will assist in overcoming traumatic experiences of this magnitude.
Dr Mazvita Machinga and Past-tense Tarondwa are mental health professionals based in Manicaland. For more help and assistance call 0771 754 519, 0778 83 8410 Toll free Helpline No.08080482
