Hi Aunt Joyie:-
I hope I find you well.
I am a young lady aged 19 years.
I am in a relationship.
I love my boyfriend, and he loves me too, but the problem is that he wants sex before marriage.
As for me, I don’t want sex before marriage.
What can I do aunt?
Does he really love me or he wants to play with me?
Please, help me.
Tete Joyie says:
Dear, I understand your concern and the pressure you are facing.
First, remember that your boundaries and values are important, and it is okay to say no to sex before marriage if that is what you believe in.
It is great that you are thinking critically about your relationship and wondering if your boyfriend’s intentions are genuine. Here are some suggestions:
Communicate openly: Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and values. Explain why you don’t want to have sex before marriage.
Evaluate his response: Pay attention to how he reacts to your boundaries.
If he respects and understands your decision, that is a good sign.
Consider his actions: Reflect on how he treats you in other aspects of the relationship.
Does he prioritise your feelings, support you, and show love and care?
Don’t compromise: Remember that your values and boundaries are non-negotiable. If he continues to pressure you, it may be a red flag.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor for guidance and encouragement.
Remember, your worth and value go beyond your relationship status.
You deserve respect, love, and understanding. If your boyfriend truly cares for you, he will prioritise your feelings and boundaries.
Stay strong and confident in your decisions, dear!
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Hubby jailed soon after roora payment
Hello Tete Joyie:
I am a lady aged 24 and I was dating a guy aged 27.
He paid the bride price for me in September last year and I moved in with him at his parents’ house.
We have no children.
Late November, he was caught in a scandal and was jailed for 25 years.
I was hurt because he did not tell me about it.
The big problem is what am I going to be doing all this while he is not there?
I have not been hanging out with anyone ever since his arrest, but I feel really lonely and miss him.
His parents and sister are nice and warm to me.
There was a time when my friends talked about the issue, and left me just thinking that by the time he will be released from jail I will be old and my youth would have been wasted.
No one from my husband’s immediate family members have said anything about that.
I don’t know what to do honestly.
Should I wait for him to be released from prison?
What if I move out of the marriage, and he gets out through God’s grace?
How will he react to my decision to quit the marriage?
Is it even okay to quit?
How do I even say it to the family members?
I am confused and feel like I am a widow at my husband’s house with no children and stuff.
I feel messed up and incomplete in many aspects.
I feel deprived of something if I stay, but feel free and guilty if I leave.
What if I wait for him and he changes his feelings towards me after being released?
Maybe I am over thinking, but I can’t sleep every night thinking about that matter, honestly, Tete I need your advice.
I follow your page so much and have seen people get helpful resolutions
Tete Joyie says:
I am truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in.
It is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed, confused and lonely.
This is a heavy burden to bear, and your feelings are completely valid.
Let us break down your concerns and explore some potential paths forward.
Assessing your feelings and needs:
1. Personal reflection: Take some time to deeply reflect on your feelings.
What do you truly want for yourself and your future?
This is a crucial step in understanding what decision will be best for you.
2. Emotional well-being: Consider your emotional health.
Feeling lonely and deprived in a marriage can have long-term effects on your mental well-being.
It is important to prioritise your happiness and fulfilment.
Considering the relationship
1. Future prospects: Think about the realistic future of your relationship.
A 25-year sentence is a long time, and many things can change over such an extended period.
2. Communication with partner: If possible, communicate with your husband about your feelings and concerns.
It might help you understand his perspective and how he envisions your future together.
Family dynamics
1. Support from his family: It is good to know his family is warm and supportive.
However, they might also be waiting for you to take the lead in expressing your thoughts about the future.
2. Discussing with his family: When you feel ready, have an open and honest conversation with his family about your feelings and the dilemma you are facing.
They might offer support and understanding that you didn’t expect.
Practical considerations
1. Financial independence: Think about your financial independence and stability.
Being able to support yourself is crucial, whether you decide to stay or leave.
2. Personal goals: Consider your personal goals and aspirations.
How does staying or leaving impact these goals?
Making a decision
1. Staying: If you choose to stay, look for ways to build a fulfilling life independently.
Pursue hobbies, education, or a career that brings you joy and satisfaction.
2. Leaving: If you decide to leave, know that it is okay to prioritise your well-being.
You can frame the conversation with his family in a way that emphasises your need for personal growth and fulfilment without closing the door completely.
Communicating your decision
1. Respectful honesty: When discussing your decision, be honest but respectful. Explain your feelings and needs clearly.
2. Future considerations: Reassure his family that this decision is about your well-being and not a reflection of your feelings towards them or your husband.
Coping with guilty and fear
1. Self-compassion: It is natural to feel guilty or fearful, but remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve to lead a fulfilling life.
2. Support system: Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for support as you navigate this challenging time.
Final thoughts
It is only you who can decide what is best for your future.
Take your time to make a decision that aligns with your values and desires.
Remember, prioritising your happiness and well-being is not selfish. It is necessary for a fulfilling life.
Stay strong and take care of yourself. I am here if you need more advice or support.
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If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatApp 0716069196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember all those who write to us remain anonymous.
