Dear Tete Joyie:
I need some advice Tete Joyie.
My story goes like this, I got married two months ago after dating for a year and a half.
So my husband has this lady who he grew up with and are very close.
They chat up about anything and everything, and the lady texts or calls my husband almost every day.
On our wedding, this lady was not invited, and I am not sure if she even knows that my husband is now married because some of her chats are a bit flirty.
Is it proper to call or text her and let her know that her friend is now married so that she knows her boundaries?
Tete Joyie Says:
Thank you for sharing your story.
Relationships can be so layered, and it is natural to want clarity and boundaries, especially in a marriage.
The situation you have described sounds like it may need a careful and balanced approach.
Before reaching out to the lady yourself, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about how this dynamic makes you feel.
Share your thoughts calmly, focusing on your feelings rather than blaming anyone.
For example, you could express that the frequency and nature of their interactions make you a bit uneasy and that you would like clarity about whether she knows he’s now married.
If your husband is understanding and supportive, he could take the initiative to set boundaries with her himself.
This might come across as more natural and less confrontational than you reaching out directly, as he’s the one with the long-standing connection.
He could let her know in a respectful and casual way that he is married now, which may help her adjust the tone of their conversations if needed.
However, if you feel strongly about addressing her directly, make sure your tone is warm and respectful rather than accusatory.
This could help avoid unnecessary tension.
For instance, you could introduce yourself warmly, share that you are newly married, and subtly encourage a respectful friendship dynamic.
Ultimately, your comfort and mutual understanding with your husband should be the priority here.
Raised with love, repaid with indifference
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am a 50-year-old woman, my story goes like this, my sister passed away and left a three-year-old boy whom I took in and raised as my own since his father had told my family that he cannot raise him on his own.
I did everything for my sister’s son.
He never lacked anything.
I took him to decent schools and gave him a decent shelter and food.
Now he is stable in life. He got a job and a family, and I am happy for him.
The problem is he does not even call to check up on me or visit.
On the other hand, he spoils his father and family, and visit them regularly.
see it on social media.
I feel like he has turned his back on me after all that I scarified for him.
Tete Joyie Says:
Your story reflects such incredible strength, love, and selflessness.
Taking in your sister’s son and raising him as your own speaks volumes about the kind of person you are.
It is only natural to feel hurt and disappointed when someone you poured so much into seems to take that for granted.
The dynamic you describe can be painful, and it is worth acknowledging the complexity of human relationships.
He may not realise how his actions or lack thereof are affecting you.
People sometimes don’t fully grasp the sacrifices others have made for them until later in life, or they may focus on certain relationships for reasons that aren’t always clear or logical.
It might be helpful to reach out to him directly, sharing your feelings in a calm and open way.
You could express how much you love him and how proud you are of the person he has become, while gently letting him know that you miss the closeness you once shared.
Sometimes, a heartfelt conversation can bridge the emotional gap and bring understanding.
It is also important to take care of yourself and focus on the things that bring you joy.
Surround yourself with people who appreciate you and your efforts, and don not let his actions diminish the incredible kindness and generosity that define you.
You have done so much out of love.
Whatever happens, that love is your legacy, and it is something no one can take away from you.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
